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Grahamstown, city of philosophers

2007-07-04 21:40
Thousands of humans flock - like sheep by air and land - to Grahamstown every year for a dose of culture, freezing cold, and as much half-price booze as they can buy. This happens every year, without fail. So you'd think the townspeople, in anticipation of the onslaught, would ensure they had plenty of supplies. But nooooo.

The little town of Graham has run out of...

1. Rump and fillet steaks Oddly, because you can't walk one mile out of town without hitting a cow. If I were a restaurant, I'd just go get myself some moo.

2. Large bottles of sparkling mineral water The small ones are next to go, then the crème soda.

3. Electricity And the battery power on this laptop's about to run out, too.

4. Hairdressers Don't believe me? Come to town and take a look around - or watch one of our videos.

5. Jagermeister Cause everyone's saying "Just ONE more drink".

6. Patience Day one, you're ordering a beer that's not Black Label and the barlady's confused, but still helpful. Cut to day three... the grins are gone.

Why don’t the good people of Graham lay in enough supplies, year after year? After all, the festival is in its 33rd year, don’t they remember that a shitload of people are going to turn up on their doorstep for a couple of weeks? Oh no, for the people of Graham are philosophers, philosophers strongly opposed to the principles of inductive reasoning. Meaning? JUST because the sun rose TODAY does not mean you can assume it'll rise again tomorrow. So just because, every year, thousand of people mysteriously arrive and order steak, doesn’t mean they’ll be here next year.

NB: At time of writing, Grahamstown still has no shortage of pretentious halfwits, stupid hats, butternut soup, struggle dramas, fresh pineapple juice, bald and shivering old people with British accents, useless fliers, drunk kids, underage mime artists and Tony Cox.

All is lost.

- Jean Barker

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