page 1 of 15 NEXT

Channel24 Columns

UFOs are idiot fodder

Damn, we just can’t get enough news about aliens, can we?

Charity ends at home

Too many years ago, when websites still had grey backgrounds, I wrote a magazine feature about alien vegetation, which was not nearly as boring as it sounds.

» Read the story » COLUMN: It's easy to become xenophobic » Xenophobia on News24

Perhaps whatever god Mel Gibson believes in has a sense of humour. In what will probably be his last movie for a long, long time, he stars opposite Hollywood’s most unlikely housewife, Jodie Foster, as a husband and father trying to save his family through his relationship with a hand puppet.

» Read the story » Mel Gibson exposed as a racist, sexist fool » Mel Gibson: 24 Facts

Defending white boy music

Metal is the white hip-hop. Both are defiant, proudly working class (or whatever polite term for poor-ass nobodies you prefer) and more concerned with style, culture and fashion than the actual music.

» Read the story

The gift that keeps on taking

The relationship between parents and their child is much like the relationship between a dog and a fire hydrant – except that in this case, the fire hydrant keeps squirming until it’s old enough to get the hell out of there – hopefully before the dog’s continual attentions eats through the paint job and destroys it for life.

» Read the story

Dying: just a stage

Famous people's deaths have always caught me offsides. Stars aren't meant to wrinkle and waste away. They're meant to live for ever, like Peter Pan.

» Read the story

Victory is ours!

Sports commentary must be the easiest job in the world. It’s a simple matter of mixing metaphors and combining clichés with the searingly obvious while wearing a hideous tie.

» Read the story

Miley’s Smiley

This is probably going to be my last column for Channel24, because 30 seconds after its publication I’ll no doubt be arrested and thrown in jail to begin my new life as a prop in my cellmate’s game of Happy Families.

» Read the story