The advertising industry is a soulless vortex that sucks up all the creativity it can find into its gluttonous maw, then spews forth a bilious froth of contempt into the willing mouths of kneeling consumers. And since big business now has more power over our beliefs, attitudes and values than any government ever could, you may as well go ahead and think of advertising as nothing more than propaganda, which has been designed to purely to re-program your brain to do what your real leaders tell you. Because essentially, that's exactly what it is.

Now that we live in more cynical times, advertisers know that we're onto them, so they have to constantly come up with new tricks to divert our attention from the fact that they're trying to sell us crap we don’t really need. The half-page advert by the "National Skirt Extension Project" in the latest Sunday Times is an entertaining example.

"Attention all South Africans," proclaims the ad. "After extensive consultation it has been determined that the current skirt length on the majority of ladies restroom signs is inadequate. As such, a new figure, bearing a longer skirt, has been recommended for use nationwide."

Tapping into the spirit of the Borg, the ad goes on to say: "Compliance is mandatory...all owners of public restroom facilities will be required to install new, approved ladies signage as a matter of urgency."

Wow. This could only work in a country like South Africa, where people are still easily intimidated by an authoritative voice and take themselves way too seriously for their own good.

The advert is backed up by a website, an 0860 line (meaning you pay to call them) and apparently some radio ads, too. So we’re talking megabucks here – at least a few hundred grand for something that looks like a belated April Fool’s joke.

My first thought in seeing the ad was, "Damn! Wouldn’t it be awesome if this was actually real?" Imagine all the fun we could have taking the piss out of these freaks. At the very least it would be an interesting diversion from all that depressing Zuma news that makes me want to hide under my bed with a shotgun aimed at the front door. Or wait - was diversion their intention all along? Hmm...

But according to the Cape Times, the ad was apparently placed on behalf of multinational biggies Unilever, who provide us with Slimfast shakes, Dove soap and Axe deodorant, among many other familiar products. Yes, these are the people who used advertising to convince a generation of middle class, hormone-ravaged boys that if they sprayed enormous amounts of cheap-ass deodorant all over their awkward bodies they’d never have to make love to their pillow ever again.

So what could have been anything will turn out to be just another stupid ad. How disappointing. And just for building me up, then bringing me down, I promise not to buy whatever they're selling.