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Bring back silly season!

2010-01-08 14:53
Preshen comments on every article, he never says anything serious or important, and his comments are usually full of sexual overtones. Sounds annoying. But that's exactly what makes him great. 

Women24 upload a picture of Blake Lively for rating. Preshen says: "i like the air-con holes" [sic]

I love Preshen because, despite my strong beliefs, I actually love the "silly season" more than the truth. The silly season, as you may know, is that time of year just before Christmas and up to midnight on January 2nd when all the news on the lamp posts is happy news. I'm not sure why the world is A-OK for those few days. Perhaps everyone's giving us a break from the relentless morbidity of headline writing, and focusing on the positive. Or perhaps print journalists are just drunk(er than usual) more often in late December.

But who cares why, when it's all sexy bikinis, cute parliamentary report cards, picture specials and mother and child reunions. It's like the world is briefly a lovely place where people get laid, the bad guys get what they deserve, and even miracles are possible... until the first Monday of the new year.

Just after midnight, when the presses roll, all hell breaks loose again. The drive to work on the first day back is made more hellish by the posters:  GIRL (4) BUSTS PARENTS FOR DAGGA; TEACHER PREYS ON VULNERABLE BOYS; KRUGER PARK IN RACK AND RUIN; MATRIC (17) KILLS HERSELF; DAD OF THREE RAPES NIECE (9); DE KOK'S SHAIKY PARDON... And so on.

As the new year turns, all the pent-up tragedy and negativity rises to the surface like as many corpses. The columnists cause even more kak than usual. The readers sitting killing company time in the post-festive lull spend their vitriol at the slightest provocation: "How can you be mean to Jason. I hope your mother dies at knifepoint!!!" they scream. I'll leave you to spot the irony on your own.

But luckily Preshen Govender remains the same Preshen we've come to love to roll our eyes at. On our review of an Elvis collection, he writes. "whenever it thunders it's a sign that elvis is hitting Micheal Jackson for marrying his daughter"

On the announcement of Idols winner Jason Hartman's engagement, he comments: "Jason girlfriend will be happy because he came second and did not cum first" – note how he's not deterred by the fact that Jason, technically speaking, did come first in Idols.

Or on our Summer Movies feature: "i am getting tired of the chick flick story lines, they meet fall in love, the big climax is the fight, then fall in love again ....the end." Note how, against all odds, he slips in the word "Climax".  What does this guy do for a living, anyhow? Stress-test spam filters and blocking software? Think up porno versions of common movie titles? Could he be the mastermind responsible for such enduring classics as "Foreskin Gump"? (Yes, this movie really does exist. No, I have not had the pleasure.)

And when sexually innuendo fails him, good old "P.G." still manages something un-original but refreshingly random. On News24's awesome soundslides of 2009's best photos, he writes "manto tshabalala-msimang will always hold a special place in cabinet the liqueur cabinet".

As my colleague Ulpha Edries put it, "Preshen rocks!!!! Preshen for President!!!!" Because with Preshen around, it's silly season forever and ever! Or... So I thought.

Until today, when I saw his latest comment. It was posted on a story in which individual Channel24 writers listed their personal worst movies of 2009: "i think the SHAHEEMA BARODIEN should get her eyes checked,D9 is a block buster and made more money then she can dream off" he says, stepping tragically out of character. Even putting aside the absolute lack of any meaningful critical argument made, onse Preshen also failed to notice that it was music editor Miles Keylock who has no taste in movies. Who really needs their eyes checked now? Silly = good. Moronic = bad, people.

And so much for the faint hope that our happiness could last in some dark corner, blinking eternally like a foolish firefly . Apparently, when it comes to keeping it light, even Preshen "SexyBoy" Govender just can't keep it up.

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