This video about the world’s toughest job will have you in tears at the end! Watch it here!

You have to watch this! Sexy boy band surprises everyone, even Simon Cowell, on Britain’s Got Talent stage!

Koos Kombuis

A very open letter to Charlize

2011-06-22 09:15
Liewe Mejuffou Theron,
Oh, hell, that was way too much information.
Dearie me, meisie, I know you probably meant well when you confessed having diarrhoea for seven days running during a charity visit to South Africa. I know you probably didn’t mean that South Africa made you sick as such. I realise it was probably just something you ate on the plane. But still. Charlize, Charlize! A nee a!
If there’s one image I don’t need before my mind’s eye right now, it’s the vision of you sitting on the toilet. Charlize, you are supposed to be a goddess! Even if you are from the East Rand! You are not supposed to ever have a shit, or fart, or squeeze out a pimple, or do any of the revolting things we normal humans do! Your legs are supposed to stay smooth and hairless without you ever having to shave them! Why, why, why did you have to tell us that? I am disillusioned. To me, you are no longer standing on your Hollywood pedestal. You are in a crouching position on an entirely different kind of pedestal, somewhat lower!
Then again, well… maybe there IS a deeper, more spiritual side to the story. You mentioned that having diarrhoea “gave you perspective”. Perspective on life? Perspective on recycling? Perspective on what, exactly? Perhaps you meant you got perspective on the kerk-almanak that hung on the back of the door of the toilet (most South African homes have those). It’s a pity you didn’t share with us what exactly your perspectives were, Charlize! I’m sure they were very interesting!
Be that as it may, if a runny tummy helped you to get perspective, good for you. I recently had diarrhoea, too, after eating too many over-ripe figs, and I got so much perspective from the experience that I wrote a column about it for Kaap-Rapport. I can’t remember now what the perspectives were, or even the name of the column – if I did, I would have loved to e-mail you the link – but yes, it’s true, we celebrities all sometimes make the mistake of revealing way too much about our private lives (not that I’m anyway near your celebrity status, natuurlik, but shit happens to everyone). I think we do it for different reasons. Some of us do it to make money, or to grab the headlines, while others do because we really feel like being honest about ourselves and because we would like to remind our fans out there that we are, after all, only human.
It was like the time Marianne Keyes admitted she had been suffering from depression for years. It wasn’t something we wanted to hear, of course, it spoilt our vision of Marianne Keyes as a successful and accomplished writer, but, in retrospect, yes, come to think of it, it also made her seem a bit more real.
Having admitted to your spell of diarrhoea, you are more real to me now, Charlize, I guess. You are no longer the Charlize Theron with your name in lights. You are once again Charlize Theron from Benoni. And in a way that’s nogal kind of nice to know.
Have you tried Imodium? I never travel without it. Ask your mom for some next time you’re in SA, she’s sure to have some stacked away in her badkamerkassie. And don’t eat too many of those little packets of peanuts they give you on international flights.
Lotsa love,
Jou fên,

Read more on:    charlize theron  |  koos kombuis  |  columnists publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Recent News

And the ship sails on...

2014-03-12 11:56

In a very touching column, Koos Kombuis bids farewell to Channel24. Read this review

Channel24 columnist Koos Kombuis shares one of the most unforgettable evenings of his life: meeting well-known performer Herman van Veen. Read this review

inside channel 24

Now Showing at the Movies

Where is it showing...
OR find out what's on where...


More Gossip

This Week's Top Free Song

Never Been Better feat Tsholo


Download Now » LuKE9ine (whose real name is Lukonde Mwila) is a young rapper from Lusaka, currently based in South Africa who has made the decision to pursue the journey of recording rap music that glorifies the Lord.
Get More Free Music »

Jobs - Find your dream job

Property - Find a new home

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Escape winter, head to Mauritius

Escape winter by spending 7 nights in Mauritius' tropical bliss from R13 215 per person sharing. Includes return flights, airport transfers and accommodation.Book now! - shop online today

Sony BDP-S1100 Smart Blu-Ray Player now R699

This smart player supports multiple playback options including Blu-ray movies, DVD's, CD's and media files via USB. Plus stream movies, music and catch-up TV through the Sony entertainment network. Buy now!

DVDs under R100

Catch these epic blockbusters for under R100. Featured titles include, Frozen, Despicable Me2, About Time, The Animal Communicator and many more. Shop now!

DStv HD PVR Decoder now R949

The DStv HD PVR Decoder has further revolutionised the television experience with lifelike viewing, sharper images, more vibrant colours and precision picture quality. Now R949, save R550. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

The Real Meal Revolution

The goal of The Real Meal Revolution is to change your life by teaching you how to take charge of your weight and your health through the way you eat. Order now! #1 selling product

gobii eReader + FREE wall charger and leatherette cover now R599, save R340. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.