Madonna's foot-in-mouth disease

2012-09-26 13:30 by Koos Kombuis Yes. It's official. Madonna has foot-in-mouth disease. She is suffering from the same dreadful affliction as Elton John and Mitt Romney!

Madonna and Elton John seem to specialise in saying things that make Madonna look ridiculous.

What has Elton John got against Madonna? What has Madonna got against herself?

There was a brief moment (lasting about five seconds) last week when I thought I could take Madonna seriously again. That was when she came out in support of Pussy Riot. Who, in his right mind, with the possible exception of Putin and Al Qaeda, doesn’t like Pussy Riot? They are simply adorable, quite pretty and also very brave.

As for Madonna, well, I once had an aunt like that. She lived up to a raucous old age and attempted to be the life of every party, but all she succeeded in was scaring the little children.

Madonna’s latest gaffe - her description of Obama as "a black Muslim in the White House" – is quite possibly the lowest point of her flagging career.

In the first place, Obama isn't black, he is sort of coffee-coloured. In the second place, he isn't a Muslim. In the third place, whether he is black, or white, or Muslim, or Christian, or atheist, is utterly irrelevant. Yet Madonna is telling us to vote for Obama – not because he is a good president, or a nice guy, or whatever – but because, in her mind, he is black, and because he is a Muslim.

No matter how I try and wrap my head around that one, it simply doesn't make sense.

Not even my aunt would have said stuff like that, not even after her third gin and tonic.

I know that it's tempting to cast judgment on politicians based on entirely the wrong reasons. Personally, I like Obama, but I'm not sure how well-informed my opinion is. I like him because, right now, America is split neatly down the middle, into two groups of people, and it seems, from a distance, as if the Obama supporters are by far the nicest bunch.

Obama and his wife Michelle look like the kind of couple you'd be eager to meet if they moved in next door (even if they were Muslim or black, which they're probably not, but it wouldn’t matter either way). I'd allow them to babysit my kids anytime while I nipped out to the Spar for a carton of milk.

Whereas that Mitt Romney guy positively gives me the creeps. He oozes evil! I first saw him on TV, months ago, while the sound was muted, and I knew, without having to listen to a word he said, that he was a thoroughly unpleasant person.

Subsequent TV appearances, when the sound was no longer muted, confirmed my first impression.

Not only does he suffer from a more chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease than Madonna, he is possibly the most chauvinistic, ego-driven, boring, self-obsessed, posturing idiot I have ever seen. Compared to Mitt Romney, Steve Hofmeyr is positively camp.

But here's the clinch. What if Romney, in spite of his atrocious body language, his dreadful hairstyle, and his insane eyes, actually gets elected, and turns out to be a more efficient president than Obama?

Obama is a nice guy, sure, but is "nice" what we need right now? What if Romney comes to power and he actually manages to save the world economy? What if Obama stays in power and everything goes to shit even more?

I don't know. I just don't understand enough about current economic, political and social issues to make an informed decision. I like Pussy Riot, but I'm not sure whether that makes me a liberal, a capitalist, or a black Muslim. I simply have no idea. And, in the end, as Radio Sonder Grense proved when they didn't like my latest album, my opinion doesn't count.

At least, at the age of fifty-something, I have the guts to admit how clueless I am. If only people like Madonna and Elton John had the sense to do the same…