Koos Kombuis

Riaan Cruywagen better not get naked

2011-05-09 07:15
Whew! Naked news readers! Now who on earth thought of THAT?

Ever since I first heard about this, I could barely wait to see it for myself. It was such a bizarre idea, an idea that opened up so many possibilities, and I was desperate to experience it first-hand. Only two problems presented themselves: (a) I don’t normally stay up late enough, and (b) I couldn’t find it in my programme schedule so that I could tape it.

Alas! At last, I found it, and all was revealed. I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Naked News! In the first place, I enjoyed it because, contrary to all expectations, there was nothing sordid about it. The girls were pretty, but not too pretty. And it wasn’t porn. There was none of those ghastly fake bodily movements and pretentious animal sounds I used to watch in hotel rooms when I was younger. The whole thing was humorously presented, above-board, and clean. I recorded it on PVR and watched it again with my wife the next day. We had a good laugh, and forgot about it.

Well, almost.

Nothing but heels

Problem is, since then I have been nagged by a few doubts. The Naked News is fine, late at night, on e.tv, I said to myself, but what if it became a mainstream trend? What if, in a few years’ time, ALL continuity announcers turned up naked? What if the Afrikaans news at seven o’clock decided to bare all? I’m not too sure if I will be able to stomach the sight of Riaan Cruywagen, without his hair-piece, dressed in nothing but high heels!

And what about Noot vir Noot? What will Johann Stemmett look like if he wore only his facelift? Not to mention Ray McCauley on the Religious channel! That would surely turn people away from Christianity in droves!

There are, of course, a few people on the Carte Blanche team – apart from Derek - that I wouldn’t mind seeing naked, but will we still be able to focus on what they’re saying? Wouldn’t it be a terrible thing if this country embraces corruption as a way of life simply because everyone watches Carte Blanche with the sound switched off?

Naked politicians

The only upside of the naked trend will be if politicians were forced to appear naked. I simply can’t imagine anyone voting for Jacob Zuma if nakedness was made compulsory. I mean, the man may have five wives, and quite an enviable reputation in the bedroom, but, visually, he will simply be no match for those three gorgeous gals of the DA!

Yes, perhaps it’s time we all embraced this trend. After all, what else do we need in public life but the bare necessities?

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