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Whine whine whine...

2010-06-04 13:45

The noise of South Africans' whining is like a car alarm that keeps going in off the street at 3am. You know the problem may be real... you know you should go look if there's a problem. But secretly you're just hoping the thief figures out how to turn it off, so you can get some peace and quiet.

But there's no escape... trust me. You don't fix the pot-holes, South Africans whine about the pot-holes. You fix the pot-holes, they whine about the roadworks causing delays. You don't build new roads? They whine about how the new government doesn't build new roads. They whine about how the airport sucks... but as soon as you build a new one? Guess what they whine about then. That's right, the new airport!

We all know South Africa needs to remain visible – remaining visible means the UN will listen to us, that our economy will grow, and that we're important enough that our human rights policies will be defended in the global game of politics and war. What better way than to stage one of the biggest sports events on the globe?

Well, guess what South Africans are whining about? The fact that the money spent on the stadia could have financed a first-world library in every one of SA's schools. They have a point... but there's not much point in libraries if we don't teach people to read. And it's not like FIFA would have helped fund libraries, and it's not like tourists would have paid to come and watch kids reading.

Enter the diski dance. A dance so cool that most of us can't do it, invented to give us a way to unite in play and show off our rhythm to the foreign hoards? Guess what we do? Yes! Wwwwwwhine! Now I'd like to point out that those whining are mostly the very same people who willingly did the Macarena at weddings? After drinking themselves gatvol. Seriously: Do you think France has a wine named "Marre", or "J'en ai assez"*? Only in South Africa would people who can afford to drink wine name it Gatvol. Or was it Fokkol?

You'd also think we'd all celebrate the SABC's decision to showcase our South African cultural diversity and pride - by playing only local music for the period of the Soccer World Cup – with 5fm, Metro and one other big commercial station immune to the rule. Not only will this move benefit the local music industry through increased royalty payment, but it will also mean that foreigners get a taste of something other than Freshlyground, The Parlotones and Yolandi's (admittedly hot) ass. Local DJs may even learn a thing or two!

But of course, whether anyone will hear their radios over the sound of South Africans WHINING, is still unclear. As it is, we can barely hear the vuvuzelas.

* Rough translation: "I've had enough of it". A terrible name for a wine!

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