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As I sat in the cinema Wednesday night, waiting for the preview of Fool's Gold to begin (thank you very kindly, 24.com), my partner remarked that he had read somewhere that Fool's Gold is a bit like a hybrid of Into the Blue (Jessica Alba, Paul Walker: 2005) and National Treasure (Nicholas Cage: 2004). He seemed quite excited about this, despite the fact that I've dragged him off to see a decidedly unmanly romantic comedy. I had no such expectations. I liked Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003) and I was prepared for a bit more of the same mindless rom com fun.
I don't ask a great deal from romantic comedies. Give me a few laughs, let me smile as the characters navigate the slippery slopes of romance and a warm fuzzy feeling and I'm a happy girl. Plainly, the makers of Fool's Gold did not do their job. I wasn't prepared to feel slightly cheated by the script. Or lack of a script to be exact. Labeled a romantic action adventure comedy. But what can you say about a romance with minimal romance, a comedy with no laughs, an action adventure that doesn't exactly get me to the edge of my seat?
Andy Tennant, who directed the vastly superior Hitch (2005) with Will Smith and Eva Mendes, directed Fool's Gold.
A relentlessly shirtless Matthew McConaughey plays Finn, a treasure hunter and beach bum obsessed with finding the Queen's Dowry, 40 chests of treasure lost at sea in 1715. His wife Tess (have you ever met a Tess outside of a Barbara Cartland book?), played by a relentlessly scowling Kate Hudson divorces him because he's immature and, in her opinion, has wasted eight years of her life looking for the Queen's Dowry. But despite her loathing him and his lifestyle, she decides to reunite for 'one last attempt at finding the treasure' and at this point I'm just about writing off the movie. As my partner pointed out, most women would rather chew off their foot than reunite with an ex to help him do the one thing that drove them apart.
Perhaps realizing the main story was dead in the water, the filmmakers have padded it with a seemingly endless parade of charmless, pointless supporting players. There's Donald Sutherland – sporting a ridiculous British accent that would make Keanu Reeves cringe. Then there's The Cosby Show's Malcolm Jamal-Wamer, sporting a Jamaican accent that would make Donald Sutherland cringe. There's Ray Winstone who is supposed to be McConaughey's main competition for the treasure, but inexplicably only appears in a few scenes. Alexis Dziena (of shockingly nude Broken Flowers, 2005, fame) was strangely enough the light at the end of my very dreary tunnel. Cast as a giggly Paris Hilton clone she was the one thing distinctly unbelievable enough to be believed. She is just ridiculous and fun enough to steal the scenes she's in.
Hudson and McConaughey are attractive, talented people, but they sadly lack the wonderful chemistry they had in How to Lose a Guy. Tess repeatedly comments on Finn's amazing sexual prowess. However, watching them scowl and dance around each other, you would swear they can hardly bear to be around each other.
The biggest disappointment in the film is Donald Sutherland and Ray Winstone – both veterans and wonderful character actors. Instead, under Andy's direction, both seem to fade into obscurity with Sutherland seeming more like an awkward bumbling buffoon and less like a wealthy and powerful man. What a waste of fantastic talent.
I don't usually hate movies and normally find something positive to say, but I think it's probably the worst movie of the year... and it's only March. If you insist on watching this drivel, then hire it on DVD when it hits the shelves.
Trust me – you won't have to wait long.
- Jean Dennis
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