Lipstiek Dipstiek

The great thing about this comedy is it makes you laugh at the things we still tend to take so seriously. Democracy, our justice system and many South African stereotypes are shown in the worst possible light to offer comic relief for a time when the country was a hormonal teenager screaming, "I can't deal with all this change!"

The story's about Poenie (Franscois Coertze) who burns his scrotum with a welding iron while working on his car and lands in hospital a few days before he is to marry the virgin Martie. This is the first mishap in a series of disasters and misunderstandings that provides many belly-clutching laughs. As Poenie's father Frikadel (Zak du Plessis) puts it, "Die seun sit sy voet uit die voordeur uit en dan is hy kniediep in die kak!"

The Afrikaans comedy genre was a little short on contributors back then. Willie Esterhuizen was just about the only industry player producing anything (besides Leon Schuster) and used the same actors all the time. But I don't mind. The nostalgia that comes along with saying to myself, "Hey! That's Yolanda from 'Orkney Snork Nie'!" brings back so many memories of watching what was then known as TV2 on a Saturday night, way back when Riaan Cruywagen looked a little less like a walking corpse than he does today.

The star of the movie is undoubtedly Lizz Meiring as Martie, who seamlessly weaves English and Afrikaans into one sentence. It's so cute! She's your average koeksister but now she's ready to let go of her morals to win back her man. Martie's values and her relationship with her parents show just how conformist Afrikaans families could be, and how important it was to do 'the right thing'. But as could be expected, everyone is doing the wrong things behind closed doors.

Martie's father Sarel, a school principal now teaching black scholars, is obsessed with the 'sudden' emergence of black people in society.
Martie's mom: "Hy't nie eers gewag dat Frikadel hom kom haal nie; hy't 'n taxi huistoe gevat."
Sarel: "Was it 'n swart taxi?"

Many white South Africans went a lighter shade of pale when they thought about living and working with black people, and this movie milks that for all it's worth.

Every cast member is an unforgettable character, from the psychologist's receptionist who calls himself "die ontvangsmoffie" to the Indian judge Sam Mooza, played by the late Manu Padayachee.

But the movie isn't without its flaws. Horrendous editing, no continuity and old school camera lenses give you a clear idea of what the SA film industry was like back then. Although Lipstiek Dipstiek pokes fun at social stereotypes and teaches us to laugh at ourselves, that's not why it's so funny. The scripting is original and indigenous, and the comic timing is brilliant. So I've saved the best for last. Here are some classic quotes from the film.

Girl 1: What happened?
Martie: My verloofde (fiancé). He burned himself with a welding iron on his private dinges (thing).
Girl 1: Ha! His balls?
Martie: Shame.
Girl 2: Don't worry Martie, you can always kiss it better! (laughing)
Martie: For why are you so onbeskof (rude) hey? At least I've got a verloofde who loves me for my persoonlikheid (personality). And when I marry Poenie, I can do it in white because I'm ordentlik (decent). So please, don't make such vieslike aanmerkings! (disgusting comments)

Security guard: This is a mamba. Pomp (pump) action haalgeweer (shotgun). The most powerful enkelloop (single barrel) shotgun in the whole new South Africa! If you even think of moving... I... I shoot you lat die kak spat! So go on punk, make my days!

Martie: Ma sê Martie, die pad na 'n man se hart is deur sy maag. Kak, daai pad is 'n one way deur sy voël!
(Mom said Martie, the road to a man's heart is through his stomach. Crap, that road is a one way through his penis!)

- Samantha Brighton

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