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A collection of the best quotes and one-liners from the 84th annual Academy Awards...
THE BEST OF HOST BILLY CRYSTAL
"So tonight, enjoy yourselves because nothing can take the sting out of the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues."
"This is my ninth time ... hosting the Oscars, so just call me War Horse." (referring to Steven Spielberg's nominated film)
"Congratulations to Mr Plummer. The average age of Oscar winners has now jumped to 67."
"They must be going nuts in France right now. Or whatever the French have in place of joy." (after Jean Dujardin exited the stage following his Best Actor win)
"Thank you for whipping the crowd into a frenzy." (after Tom Sherak, the President of the Academy, made a dour and baffling speech about 'the magic of movies')
"Please welcome the original girl with the dragon tattoo, Angelina Jolie!" (For a moment, everyone expected Noomi Rapace - who technically is the first actress to play Lisbeth Salander in the Swedish original The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - to make an appearance)
"Please welcome a recurring dream of mine - Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez."
"When I saw it, I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw, which in Beverly Hills is about a 45-minute drive." (Billy recalls watching The Help for the first time)
WHEN 'THANK YOU, MOM' JUST ISN'T ENOUGH...
"When they called my name, I had this feeling I could hear half of America going, 'Oh no. Come on ... Her, again?' You know. But, whatever."
- Meryl Streep was rolling her eyes as she said this while accepting her Best Actress Oscar
"You're only two years older than me darling, where have you been all my life."
- Best Supporting Actor Christopher Plummer, 82, before kissing his gold statue
"I want to thank Uggie the dog. I think he doesn't care, I'm not sure he understands what I say. He's not that good, but thank you."
- Best Director winner Michel Hazanavicius honours his canine star in The Artist
"I love your country. It's funny because in 1929 it was ... Douglas Fairbanks who hosted the first Oscar ceremony. It cost $5 and it lasted 15 minutes. Times have changed."
- Best Actor winner Jean Dujardin, referring to the first Academy Awards in 1929
"I share this with everybody... I'm wrapping up, I'm sorry, I am freaking out. Thank you world."
- Best Supporting Actress Octavia Spencer couldn't hold back the tears
"I really want to thank all my colleagues, all my friends. I look out here, and I see my life before my eyes, my old friends, my new friends. And really, this is such a great honor. But the thing that counts the most with me is the friendships and love and the sheer joy we have shared making movies together. My friends, thank you, all of you, departed and here, for this inexplicably wonderful career."
- Meryl Streep's touching acceptance speech
""I was genuinely starstruck when I met Kermit the Frog. Like many stars here tonight, he's a lot shorter in real life."
- Bret McKenzie while accepting his Oscar for Best Original Song for The Muppets movie
"Oh Putain! Genial! Merci! Formidable! Merci beaucoup!" ("Bloody Hell! Brilliant! Thanks! Fantastic! Thank you very much!") followed by: "I love you!"
- Jean Dujardin's ecstatic, slightly sweary French thank you's caused some excitement
"When I first emerged from my mother's womb, I was already rehearsing my Academy thank you speech, but it was so long ago, mercifully for you, I have forgotten it."
- Christopher Plummer on accepting his award
"As my grandma used to say, it can be short and still make your toes curl. And I believe my grandma was not referring to wieners, but short films."
- Maya Rudolph while presenting the Best Short film category
"I'm worried about my teeth falling out."
- Best Supporting Actor nominee Nick Nolte, 71, from the red carpet
"Meryl. Mamma Mia. We were in Greece. We danced. I was gay, and we were happy. And I may have fathered your daughter."
- Colin Firth recalls working with Meryl Streep while presenting the Best Actress award
THE BEST OF HOST BILLY CRYSTAL
"So tonight, enjoy yourselves because nothing can take the sting out of the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues."
"This is my ninth time ... hosting the Oscars, so just call me War Horse." (referring to Steven Spielberg's nominated film)
"Congratulations to Mr Plummer. The average age of Oscar winners has now jumped to 67."
"They must be going nuts in France right now. Or whatever the French have in place of joy." (after Jean Dujardin exited the stage following his Best Actor win)
"Thank you for whipping the crowd into a frenzy." (after Tom Sherak, the President of the Academy, made a dour and baffling speech about 'the magic of movies')
"Please welcome the original girl with the dragon tattoo, Angelina Jolie!" (For a moment, everyone expected Noomi Rapace - who technically is the first actress to play Lisbeth Salander in the Swedish original The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - to make an appearance)
"Please welcome a recurring dream of mine - Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez."
"When I saw it, I wanted to hug the first black woman I saw, which in Beverly Hills is about a 45-minute drive." (Billy recalls watching The Help for the first time)
WHEN 'THANK YOU, MOM' JUST ISN'T ENOUGH...
"When they called my name, I had this feeling I could hear half of America going, 'Oh no. Come on ... Her, again?' You know. But, whatever."
- Meryl Streep was rolling her eyes as she said this while accepting her Best Actress Oscar
"You're only two years older than me darling, where have you been all my life."
- Best Supporting Actor Christopher Plummer, 82, before kissing his gold statue
"I want to thank Uggie the dog. I think he doesn't care, I'm not sure he understands what I say. He's not that good, but thank you."
- Best Director winner Michel Hazanavicius honours his canine star in The Artist
"I love your country. It's funny because in 1929 it was ... Douglas Fairbanks who hosted the first Oscar ceremony. It cost $5 and it lasted 15 minutes. Times have changed."
- Best Actor winner Jean Dujardin, referring to the first Academy Awards in 1929
"I share this with everybody... I'm wrapping up, I'm sorry, I am freaking out. Thank you world."
- Best Supporting Actress Octavia Spencer couldn't hold back the tears
"I really want to thank all my colleagues, all my friends. I look out here, and I see my life before my eyes, my old friends, my new friends. And really, this is such a great honor. But the thing that counts the most with me is the friendships and love and the sheer joy we have shared making movies together. My friends, thank you, all of you, departed and here, for this inexplicably wonderful career."
- Meryl Streep's touching acceptance speech
""I was genuinely starstruck when I met Kermit the Frog. Like many stars here tonight, he's a lot shorter in real life."
- Bret McKenzie while accepting his Oscar for Best Original Song for The Muppets movie
"Oh Putain! Genial! Merci! Formidable! Merci beaucoup!" ("Bloody Hell! Brilliant! Thanks! Fantastic! Thank you very much!") followed by: "I love you!"
- Jean Dujardin's ecstatic, slightly sweary French thank you's caused some excitement
"When I first emerged from my mother's womb, I was already rehearsing my Academy thank you speech, but it was so long ago, mercifully for you, I have forgotten it."
- Christopher Plummer on accepting his award
"As my grandma used to say, it can be short and still make your toes curl. And I believe my grandma was not referring to wieners, but short films."
- Maya Rudolph while presenting the Best Short film category
"I'm worried about my teeth falling out."
- Best Supporting Actor nominee Nick Nolte, 71, from the red carpet
"Meryl. Mamma Mia. We were in Greece. We danced. I was gay, and we were happy. And I may have fathered your daughter."
- Colin Firth recalls working with Meryl Streep while presenting the Best Actress award
