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Ricky Gervais' Globes zingers


The Golden Globes organisers took a bit of a risk inviting Brit comedian and notorious shit-stirrer to MC one of the most glittering Hollywood events of the year. Gervais’ opening monologue was an unabashedly blatant plug of his own works on DVD (in particular, The Office), while taking aim at NBC’s current scheduling woes, surgically enhanced stars, Kiefer Sutherland, even his own manhood, before falling back to some ill-advised jokes about the Third World and Angelina Jolie. Ouch.

Hollywood's glitterati weren’t quite prepared for some of the risqué verbal gibes Gervais had up his sleeve. There were audible gasps and a few boos as he let rip. No-one was spared, not even poor Paul McCartney. But more on that later.

Here are some of Ricky Gervais most potent barbs:

  • "I will be making the most of this. I'm not used to these viewing figures - let's face it, nor is NBC. I'm not going to do this again, anyway."
  • "On a serious note, just looking at all the faces here reminds me of the great work that's been done this year, by cosmetic surgeons. You all look great."
  • "And I've had a penis reduction. Just got the one now. That's enough. And it is very tiny, but so are my hands, so when I'm holding it, it looks pretty big. And let's face, I usually am holding it. I wish I was doing that now instead of this, to be honest."
  • "It is an honour to be here in a room full of what I consider to be the most important people on the planet. Actors, they're just better than ordinary people, aren't they?"
  • [on masturbation] "I wish I was doing that now instead of this, to be honest."

  • "OK, let's get on with this before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."
  • "I was on the same plane as Paul McCartney to LA. I was up front in first class and he was back in economy. He's saving money, you know. That’s because he spent an awful amount of money last year."
    [referring to McCartney’s expensive divorce from Heather Mills]
  • "Actors aren’t just loved here in Hollywood, they’re loved the world over, because they’re recognisable," he said. "You can be in the Third World, and you get a glimpse of a Hollywood star, and it makes you feel better. You can be a little child, a little Asian child, with no possessions, no money - but you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think, 'Mummy!'"

  • [pointing at his half-full glass of Fosters, from which he sipped throughout the ceremony]
    "Look, I love a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is… Mel Gibson!"
    [enter Mel Gibson to present the next award]

  • "One thing that can't be bought is a Golden Globe... Officially."
  • "The serious bit now. The Golden Globes is shown all over the world. It is oblivious to colour or creed. It doesn't just celebrate talent, it celebrates difference. It crushes prejudice and stereotype. One stereotype I hate is that all Irishmen are just drunk, sweary hell-raisers. Please welcome Colin Farrell."
  • "Rachel from Friends and that bloke from 300," was how he introduced The Bounty Hunter co-stars Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler to the stage. Neither looked very impressed.
* What did you think of Gervais' performance as Golden Globes host? Watch the awards on M-Net on Monday 18 January at 20.30

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