Rude Ricky Gervais

Hollywood was warned. If last year’s skewering of Mel Gibson, Angelina Jolie and Paul McCartney was anything to go by, everyone assembled at the Beverly Hilton to witness the 68th annual Golden Globe Awards should have been suitably prepared for the uniquely unfiltered barbs from Brit comedian Ricky Gervais.

And yet, as he took to the stage and took aim at the aged stars of Sex and the City 2, The Tourist and Charlie Sheen, the star-studded room was still shocked to its core. And he said they’d never invite him back.

If anything, Gervais’ hosting stint has assured that the Globes are unmissable entertainment. Refusing to make nice with the A-list audience, Gervais instead played to the millions of TV viewers, and pretty much said what everyone was thinking - even if it meant making a few powerful enemies in the process.

As was the case last year, no-one was spared. We could easily have reprinted Gervais' entire Globes presenting script, but here are some of his most scathing, blush-inducing gibes:

• "Welcome to the Golden Globe Awards. Get ready for a night of drinking and partying. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it – breakfast!"

• Gervais had lots of fun poking fun at the inexplicable nominations forThe Tourist - a sexy thriller-romance - in the comedy-musical categories. As Gervais noted, "I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumor going around that the only reason The Tourist was nominated was so that the foreign press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. That is rubbish. That is not the only reason. They also accepted bribes."

• "It was a big year for 3D movies: Toy Story 3, Despicable Me, Tron. Seems like everything this year was three-dimensional except the characters in The Tourist."

• And there was more hurt for The Tourist, as the gasps became more audible: " "I feel bad about that joke. I'm just jumping on the bandwagon; I haven't seen it either! Who has?"

• The bribery accusations which have recently dogged the Globes were never far from proceedings. Addressing allegations that the multiple nominations for campy musical Burlesque were bought, Gervais said: "Some of them were taken to a Cher concert. How is that a bribe? 'Do you want to go see Cher?' 'No.' 'Why not?' 'Because it's not 1975."

• "Nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the award for best special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster."

• "Also not nominated I Love You, Phillip Morris starring Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor - two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous scientologists then," Gervais said before adding, "My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke. They’re not here." (It’s not clear who Gervais was referring to here, although everyone was speculating between John Travolta and Tom Cruise.)

• "Talking of The Walking Dead, congratulations to Hugh Hefner who's getting married at the age of 84 to 24-year-old beauty Crystal Harris. When she was asked why she was marrying him, she said, 'He lied about his age. I thought he was 94!' Don't worry, hold out, just don’t look at it when you touch it."

• Introducing first presenter for the evening, Scarlett Johansson: "She’s talented, beautiful and Jewish, apparently. Mel Gibson told me that. He’s obsessed."

• Noting the twisted family tree of the Willis-Moore-Kutcher clan: "Please welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad, Bruce Willis!"

• After noting that many of his film credits sounded like porn movie titles, Gervais introduced Robert Downey Jr. as someone better known for his stays "at the Betty Ford Clinic and the LA County Jail". But RDJ hit back: "Aside from the fact that it’s been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones, I’d say the show’s going pretty good so far, wouldn’t you?"

• Introducing Hollywood Foreign Press Association president Phillip Berk: "I had to help the HFPA president off the toilet and pop his teeth back in!"

• Gervais couldn’t stop himself from squeezing in one last gasp-inducing quip at the ceremony's close: "Thank you God for making me an atheist!"

And that, ladies and gentleman, was that. Last year's Globes was hard to beat but we think Gervais managed to be even bitchier this year. Maybe this time the HFPA actually won't invite him back. Their loss.

* Check Ricky Gervais (and a bunch of other celebrities) in action at the 68th Annual Golden Awards on M-Net on Monday 17 January at 21.30