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Let’s face it, the term "Christmas movie" is just another way of saying "the tooth rottingly candy coated worst of the Hallmark channel". Jolly fat men save the day, dysfunctional families heal under the mistletoe, and we all learn to open our hearts a little more despite the season being awash with capitalist greed, drunk drivers, and the very worst of human nature. If you’re one of those people (like me) who want to vomit at the mere mention of cinema’s worst possible genre, then don’t despair, because there are a handful of Christmas movies that don’t suck – in fact, some of them are pretty damn good.
10. Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)
One of very few Christmas slasher movies, Silent Night Deadly Night plays on the fears that many kids have of Santa by having a twisted killer who wears a Santa suit, dispatching hapless victims in Yuletide themed murders. Apparently it caused a stir upon its release as many parents felt it ruined Santa for their offspring. But nothing beats those Christmas blues like seeing the jolly man in red gun down a man, rob him, count the money, then yell, "Thirty one bucks? Merry f**king Christmas!" over his shoulder as he flees.
9. Elf (2003)
Sure, Elf is an actual Christmas movie, involving Santa, elves, and a lost son reuniting with his scrooge-like father. But in the hands and outsized elf suit of Will Ferrell, it is a very different kettle of eggnog. Ferrell plays Buddy the elf as the overgrown child we’d all like to be at Christmas, living in a world of magic and Santa, shopping malls wonderfully free of queues, and tedious family obligation. Choice scenes include his fist fight with a dwarf after mistaking him for a fellow elf, and of course, accusing a store Santa of sitting on a "throne of lies".
8. Gremlins (1984)
Gremlins is another horror that takes place over the festive season, and gives us a taste of what it would be like to have the most awesome toy ever. Despite the chaos the gremlins cause, they knock the socks off receiving….well, socks. Imagine going to your 10-year-old buddy and saying, "Hey Donnie, your remote control car is pretty cool, but I got a real monster for a pet and he just burnt down your house and killed your gran!"
7. Batman Returns (1992)
Tim Burton’s second Batman movie is still as fresh as when it was released, and has Bruce Wayne facing off against the Penguin during Christmas in Gotham. Apart from being the coolest Batman villain after the Joker, Danny Devito plays Oswarld Cobblepot like a cross between a mad scientist and the anti-Santa – part animalistic psychopath, part lonely abandoned child. Always wanted to see a pale mutant bite off a man’s nose while working through the holiday angst? I know I have, and this is why it comes in at number seven.
6. Lethal Weapon (1987)
Another brilliant action movie that just happens to take place over the festive season. Mel Gibson plays the manic Sgt Riggs, personifying the madness and desperation of Christmas, while the one-case-away-from-retirement Sgt Murtaugh (Danny Glover) nails the cynical weariness of the holidays. Through plenty of anguish and conflict, our heroes manage to work together and deal (violently) with the bad guys, much like we would all like to do with our gift buying and Christmas catering.
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
As much a Halloween movie as a Christmas one, Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s animated musical married Disney cute with a gothic nightmare. It’s the perfect antidote to all the sickening plastic decorations and forced smiles we suffer every festive season. Who wouldn’t want to be one of the Oogie’s boys – the ghoulish trio who kidnap Santa and feed him to the maggot-filled Boogeyman?
4. Children of Men (2006)
In this grim retelling of the Nativity story, set in a world with no more births, Clive Owen plays the protector of the world’s only pregnant woman who is being hunted by government and various terrorist factions. There is no tinsel or holiday cheer, just a slim ray of hope in humanity’s last days, which is really what baby Jesus was all about, when you think about it.
3. Scrooged (1988)
Bill Murray’s sarcastic, self-centered executive is the meanie in this criminally underrated update of A Christmas Carol. Naturally, he provides the laughs through his callous treatment of other people. He perfectly nails the gift giving farce of the season when he dictates his Christmas list to his secretary, sending facecloths to his family members, and video recorders to business colleagues he wishes to impress.
2. Die Hard (1988)
Apart from being a classic and kick-ass action movie, Die Hard takes the tongue gnawing festive stress to high-octane levels when perpetually put-upon cop John McLean gets trapped with terrorists while on his way to his family's Christmas celebrations. It ultimately offers a message of hope and self determination as McLean brutally disposes of his enemies one by one, proving that with the right amount of grit, you can beat your way through the holiday hokum.
1. Bad Santa (2003)
The ultimate Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas, and one of the funniest comedies of all time. Billy Bob Thornton’s foul-mouthed (this film has more instances of the F- word than Scarface), thieving, alcoholic store Santa soils himself, swears at the kids, smashes his plastic reindeer in a drunken rage, and has a loud illicit encounter in the women’s fitting room. Also boasting John Ritter’s last performance, Bad Santa tells the story of yuletide redemption in the most politically incorrect way possible.
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
As much a Halloween movie as a Christmas one, Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s animated musical married Disney cute with a gothic nightmare. It’s the perfect antidote to all the sickening plastic decorations and forced smiles we suffer every festive season. Who wouldn’t want to be one of the Oogie’s boys – the ghoulish trio who kidnap Santa and feed him to the maggot-filled Boogeyman?
4. Children of Men (2006)
In this grim retelling of the Nativity story, set in a world with no more births, Clive Owen plays the protector of the world’s only pregnant woman who is being hunted by government and various terrorist factions. There is no tinsel or holiday cheer, just a slim ray of hope in humanity’s last days, which is really what baby Jesus was all about, when you think about it.
3. Scrooged (1988)
Bill Murray’s sarcastic, self-centered executive is the meanie in this criminally underrated update of A Christmas Carol. Naturally, he provides the laughs through his callous treatment of other people. He perfectly nails the gift giving farce of the season when he dictates his Christmas list to his secretary, sending facecloths to his family members, and video recorders to business colleagues he wishes to impress.
2. Die Hard (1988)
Apart from being a classic and kick-ass action movie, Die Hard takes the tongue gnawing festive stress to high-octane levels when perpetually put-upon cop John McLean gets trapped with terrorists while on his way to his family's Christmas celebrations. It ultimately offers a message of hope and self determination as McLean brutally disposes of his enemies one by one, proving that with the right amount of grit, you can beat your way through the holiday hokum.
1. Bad Santa (2003)
The ultimate Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas, and one of the funniest comedies of all time. Billy Bob Thornton’s foul-mouthed (this film has more instances of the F- word than Scarface), thieving, alcoholic store Santa soils himself, swears at the kids, smashes his plastic reindeer in a drunken rage, and has a loud illicit encounter in the women’s fitting room. Also boasting John Ritter’s last performance, Bad Santa tells the story of yuletide redemption in the most politically incorrect way possible.
10. Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)
One of very few Christmas slasher movies, Silent Night Deadly Night plays on the fears that many kids have of Santa by having a twisted killer who wears a Santa suit, dispatching hapless victims in Yuletide themed murders. Apparently it caused a stir upon its release as many parents felt it ruined Santa for their offspring. But nothing beats those Christmas blues like seeing the jolly man in red gun down a man, rob him, count the money, then yell, "Thirty one bucks? Merry f**king Christmas!" over his shoulder as he flees.
9. Elf (2003)
Sure, Elf is an actual Christmas movie, involving Santa, elves, and a lost son reuniting with his scrooge-like father. But in the hands and outsized elf suit of Will Ferrell, it is a very different kettle of eggnog. Ferrell plays Buddy the elf as the overgrown child we’d all like to be at Christmas, living in a world of magic and Santa, shopping malls wonderfully free of queues, and tedious family obligation. Choice scenes include his fist fight with a dwarf after mistaking him for a fellow elf, and of course, accusing a store Santa of sitting on a "throne of lies".
8. Gremlins (1984)
Gremlins is another horror that takes place over the festive season, and gives us a taste of what it would be like to have the most awesome toy ever. Despite the chaos the gremlins cause, they knock the socks off receiving….well, socks. Imagine going to your 10-year-old buddy and saying, "Hey Donnie, your remote control car is pretty cool, but I got a real monster for a pet and he just burnt down your house and killed your gran!"
7. Batman Returns (1992)
Tim Burton’s second Batman movie is still as fresh as when it was released, and has Bruce Wayne facing off against the Penguin during Christmas in Gotham. Apart from being the coolest Batman villain after the Joker, Danny Devito plays Oswarld Cobblepot like a cross between a mad scientist and the anti-Santa – part animalistic psychopath, part lonely abandoned child. Always wanted to see a pale mutant bite off a man’s nose while working through the holiday angst? I know I have, and this is why it comes in at number seven.
6. Lethal Weapon (1987)
Another brilliant action movie that just happens to take place over the festive season. Mel Gibson plays the manic Sgt Riggs, personifying the madness and desperation of Christmas, while the one-case-away-from-retirement Sgt Murtaugh (Danny Glover) nails the cynical weariness of the holidays. Through plenty of anguish and conflict, our heroes manage to work together and deal (violently) with the bad guys, much like we would all like to do with our gift buying and Christmas catering.
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
As much a Halloween movie as a Christmas one, Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s animated musical married Disney cute with a gothic nightmare. It’s the perfect antidote to all the sickening plastic decorations and forced smiles we suffer every festive season. Who wouldn’t want to be one of the Oogie’s boys – the ghoulish trio who kidnap Santa and feed him to the maggot-filled Boogeyman?
4. Children of Men (2006)
In this grim retelling of the Nativity story, set in a world with no more births, Clive Owen plays the protector of the world’s only pregnant woman who is being hunted by government and various terrorist factions. There is no tinsel or holiday cheer, just a slim ray of hope in humanity’s last days, which is really what baby Jesus was all about, when you think about it.
3. Scrooged (1988)
Bill Murray’s sarcastic, self-centered executive is the meanie in this criminally underrated update of A Christmas Carol. Naturally, he provides the laughs through his callous treatment of other people. He perfectly nails the gift giving farce of the season when he dictates his Christmas list to his secretary, sending facecloths to his family members, and video recorders to business colleagues he wishes to impress.
2. Die Hard (1988)
Apart from being a classic and kick-ass action movie, Die Hard takes the tongue gnawing festive stress to high-octane levels when perpetually put-upon cop John McLean gets trapped with terrorists while on his way to his family's Christmas celebrations. It ultimately offers a message of hope and self determination as McLean brutally disposes of his enemies one by one, proving that with the right amount of grit, you can beat your way through the holiday hokum.
1. Bad Santa (2003)
The ultimate Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas, and one of the funniest comedies of all time. Billy Bob Thornton’s foul-mouthed (this film has more instances of the F- word than Scarface), thieving, alcoholic store Santa soils himself, swears at the kids, smashes his plastic reindeer in a drunken rage, and has a loud illicit encounter in the women’s fitting room. Also boasting John Ritter’s last performance, Bad Santa tells the story of yuletide redemption in the most politically incorrect way possible.
5. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
As much a Halloween movie as a Christmas one, Tim Burton and Henry Selick’s animated musical married Disney cute with a gothic nightmare. It’s the perfect antidote to all the sickening plastic decorations and forced smiles we suffer every festive season. Who wouldn’t want to be one of the Oogie’s boys – the ghoulish trio who kidnap Santa and feed him to the maggot-filled Boogeyman?
4. Children of Men (2006)
In this grim retelling of the Nativity story, set in a world with no more births, Clive Owen plays the protector of the world’s only pregnant woman who is being hunted by government and various terrorist factions. There is no tinsel or holiday cheer, just a slim ray of hope in humanity’s last days, which is really what baby Jesus was all about, when you think about it.
3. Scrooged (1988)
Bill Murray’s sarcastic, self-centered executive is the meanie in this criminally underrated update of A Christmas Carol. Naturally, he provides the laughs through his callous treatment of other people. He perfectly nails the gift giving farce of the season when he dictates his Christmas list to his secretary, sending facecloths to his family members, and video recorders to business colleagues he wishes to impress.
2. Die Hard (1988)
Apart from being a classic and kick-ass action movie, Die Hard takes the tongue gnawing festive stress to high-octane levels when perpetually put-upon cop John McLean gets trapped with terrorists while on his way to his family's Christmas celebrations. It ultimately offers a message of hope and self determination as McLean brutally disposes of his enemies one by one, proving that with the right amount of grit, you can beat your way through the holiday hokum.
1. Bad Santa (2003)
The ultimate Christmas movie for people who hate Christmas, and one of the funniest comedies of all time. Billy Bob Thornton’s foul-mouthed (this film has more instances of the F- word than Scarface), thieving, alcoholic store Santa soils himself, swears at the kids, smashes his plastic reindeer in a drunken rage, and has a loud illicit encounter in the women’s fitting room. Also boasting John Ritter’s last performance, Bad Santa tells the story of yuletide redemption in the most politically incorrect way possible.
