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Cape Town - British comedian Ricky Gervais, who caused a stir after making controversial comments about Hollywood stars while hosting the Golden Globes over the last two years, has written a mock opening monologue for this year's Oscars ceremony, to be hosted by James Franco and Anne Hathaway on Sunday.
Gervais took to his blog to wish the hosts well and included the monologue should they "have a few minutes to fill".
The Oscars script pokes fun at "the most privileged people in the world" and name-checks Angelina Jolie and George Clooney for bringing to light "third world poverty and famine". Gervais also mocks himself in the piece.
Some of the monologue is included below: (warning, strong language)
James Franco
You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds "way out" but wait till half way through this fucking ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.
Anne Hathaway
And I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.
JF
It’s a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we’re not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.
JF
Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!
AH
No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.
JF
Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.
AH
But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London...
(Nervous laughter)
He's doing some charity work.
Yeah, he's visiting orphans with cancer.
He's telling them what bald little losers they are...
JF
Yeah, cos he's rude right?
(Applause)
Thank you.
No rudeness tonight.
It's going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.
(Applause)
That's not to say that we don't care. No, apart from all the great movies we made this year we continued our life-saving philanthropy. Mega stars like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Ben Stiller brought light to third world poverty and famine and shocked the world with visions of children so hungry they'd been living off dead beetles all their lives.
* The 83rd annual Academy Awards will take place at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood on Sunday.
Gervais took to his blog to wish the hosts well and included the monologue should they "have a few minutes to fill".
The Oscars script pokes fun at "the most privileged people in the world" and name-checks Angelina Jolie and George Clooney for bringing to light "third world poverty and famine". Gervais also mocks himself in the piece.
Some of the monologue is included below: (warning, strong language)
James Franco
You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds "way out" but wait till half way through this fucking ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.
Anne Hathaway
And I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.
JF
It’s a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we’re not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.
JF
Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!
AH
No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.
JF
Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.
AH
But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London...
(Nervous laughter)
He's doing some charity work.
Yeah, he's visiting orphans with cancer.
He's telling them what bald little losers they are...
JF
Yeah, cos he's rude right?
(Applause)
Thank you.
No rudeness tonight.
It's going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.
(Applause)
That's not to say that we don't care. No, apart from all the great movies we made this year we continued our life-saving philanthropy. Mega stars like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Ben Stiller brought light to third world poverty and famine and shocked the world with visions of children so hungry they'd been living off dead beetles all their lives.
* The 83rd annual Academy Awards will take place at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood on Sunday.
