Dear John

2010-02-20 11:16
 
Dear John

What it's about:


John Tyree (Channing Tatum), a soldier back home on leave, falls for conservative college girl Savannah Curtis (Amanda Seyfried). They have a two-week whirlwind romance before he must return to the army and she to college. They continue their relationship through letters with John promising that he will leave the army after a year. After the 9/11 attacks, John chooses to extend his tour, and this strains their already fragile long-distance relationship.


Dear John,

This isn't working for me. For the reasons mentioned below, we need to end whatever this is that involves me watching you bore me to tears.

Firstly, what's with all the clichés? The sun-kissed glow, the beach, the kissing in the rain...  These gimmicks are lame. Romantic relationships are kept fresh with new, original ideas, not a moving Hallmark card.

Secondly, I hate it when you leave storylines lying all over the place! Why don't I know what happened to your father to make him the way he is? Why don't we ever hear why Savannah's neighbour Tim has a wife who is constantly on "vacation", yet we keep hearing about this person who doesn't even contribute to the story? And why did you and the guys at the pier have 'words'? You never explain any of this. Plus, your descriptions of your time in Afghanistan after 9/11 sound like fairytales. Don't lie to me; I'm smarter than you think.

Then there's that blonde bimbo Savannah. Just because you're both beautiful doesn't mean I'm going to buy your supposed mutual attraction. You have no chemistry, no fire and I don't believe in your love. It's insulting, actually.

While I can still appreciate your topless scenes for their visceral beauty, unfortunately I need more than that from a relationship. This thing peaked too early. Look, I'm not saying you're a little, uh, premature, but I got to see all your good bits before I even bought the ticket. You gave it all up in the trailer, and now I realise you're not the person, or the movie, you said you were.

I get this thing that you and the author Nicholas Sparks have going with the letters. Yes it's sweet, yes it's romantic, but if you want me to read it, e-mail me! Don't spend 30 minutes of my cinema time reading it out loud. I'm not freakin' Juliet who enjoys long, boring soliloquies.

I'm sorry John, but there's no way to justify me seeing you. I was duped by your initial charm and even I can't resist the promise of hot surfer boys and young, tanned bodies, only to find out that you just used it to get my bum in a cinema seat. Pig! I hope others will read this and be aware of your sly tactics before they step up to that ticket booth.

Sincerely, (well, not actually)

Sam



Sam Brighton writes a scathing Dear John letter to the movie that stole her heart with its trailer, only to find it was lying to her face all along.

Robi 2010/02/18 10:32 AM
Hahaha! Brilliant Sam. Love the letter. I think I'll be giving Dear John a miss...
Disappointed 2010/02/18 10:43 AM
My heart beat faster; had I read the headline correctly? Had Sam B resigned? Was it acrimonious? At last no more Sam B. Imagine my disappointment when I saw it was in fact a movie review!
Sharon 2010/02/18 11:13 AM
I think I'll be giving it a miss too. I've seen the trailer a few times.... and the actors come across as totally unconvincing. Thanks for the warning.
Verashni 2010/02/18 12:24 PM
Oy @Disappointed! Back off Sam B. She's awesome.
fathima 2010/02/18 12:35 PM
I read the book, it was painful :| only made it to the end by force. It was seriously boring. Thought the movie might be better, but apparently not. Epic fail.
Goda 2010/02/18 12:51 PM
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Hahahahahahaha! Hilarious.
Carmen 2010/02/18 1:23 PM
Disappointed:I'm sure there's a reason behind the name. Probably the story of your life. If you don't agree with someone's opinion, that's fine. However, don't think you have the right to start delivering personal attacks. Take your negativity elsewhere. And be warned: we don't suffer fools lightly. Sam, keep up the good work sister and keep calling it like it is.
Linda 2010/02/18 3:52 PM
Haha I'm definitely giving this one a miss, thanks for the review!!
John 2010/02/18 4:00 PM
Dear Sam, you fell for the movie - looks, abs and sinker through its trailer. Are you single? Did you perhaps watch it alone? It seems you felt depressed walking out of the cinema (alone), while other couples walked out hand in hand (boyfriends getting a few brownie points). It's a love story and if thats what you're looking for, you wont find it in a popcorn box. Get real, your disappointment and letter show that you are in fact longing for your prince in shining armor. What did you really expect from a movie titled 'Dear John' - sex, drugs and rock and roll? I think not! I am sure your love life is as boring as you say the movie is! Regards, John
Dimitry 2010/02/18 6:10 PM
Let's get real people. Every teenage girl up to every bored housewife want's to see abs and kissing in the rain and cliche whispers. I still don't understand why twilight is doing so well. Are all the teens/housewives extorting money from their parent's/husbands just to go and watch a movie about a girl that always looks as though she will cut her wrists and some pale guy who wants to get some action but stays away because he knows he will hurt her. And he looks great while doing it. That's sooooo interesting and deep.
Wendy 2010/02/18 7:51 PM
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I loved the book and the movie! Channing Tatum made them both worthwhile...sorry Sam
ashlin 2010/02/18 8:25 PM
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BRILLIANT!!! This made me laugh out loud.
Not John 2010/02/18 10:32 PM
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LOL!!! Great article, & so true abt red herrings! U right tho, it is a kak movie!
Rene 2010/02/19 11:00 AM
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OMG, Sam this is so so funny! And so true. Even the book was a boring waste of time. Unless you have the brain of a Twilight fan, stay away from Nicholas Sparks novels.
Sam Wilson 2010/02/19 11:34 AM
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Loved this!
Lee-Shay 2010/02/19 12:29 PM
I read the book and thought it was quite good but it had the saddest ending ever. I guess the movie (like Twilight) didn't bring the emotions that the book evokes to life.
PRESHEN GOVENDER 2010/02/19 3:40 PM
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the best part was the credits
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