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The Fantastic Four are called on to investigate a mysterious force that is drilling giant holes all over the planet. They soon track down the Silver Surfer, an intergalactic being with almost unlimited power. But he’s not really the problem – the giant, planet-eating cloud of meanness that he serves is. And all Sue Storm wanted was a nice, quiet wedding day.
What we thought of it:
There’s nothing more boring than a critic attacking a blockbuster for being “mass produced” or “dumb” or “shallow”. After all, as the public always cries, no one cares about emotions and meaning and stuff, they want to see hot actors saving the world, flying planes or blowing stuff up (preferably all three at the same time). So let’s assume blockbusters shouldn’t be judged alongside other movies, but only other blockbusters. Hmmm. You know what? Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer still doesn’t look that great.
Well, it can’t be the effects. They’ve got a much bigger budget, and boy do they use it. All of action sequences are bigger, brighter and more expensive. Forget New York - this time the Four fly all over the world, chasing after that cool looking silver guy. They even stop that giant Ferris wheel in London from falling into the river. And they do this cool thing where they switch powers and stuff. And they’re, like, saving the world from, like, destruction.
But, you know what, they were a lot more fun in the first movie when they didn’t really know what they were doing and they spent all their time squabbling. It was kind of charming, and different from all the other super-serious comic book movies. You didn’t notice the bad acting so much, and that "flame on" guy had all these cheeky lines. Now they’re all serious and grumpy and married. This saving the planet stuff is a bit of a bummer.
And what have they done to Jessica Alba? Her make-up and hair are so overdone it’s like they’ve plasticised her. With an actress that ridiculously beautiful you don’t have to do anything – just let her be. All the gunk on her face just gets in the way. What? Her acting? You aren’t serious right? Who cares about her acting?
Hey, at least we can still enjoy Chris Evans. He’s even got his shirt off for a whole scene (now, now, stop drooling.) He was pretty much the funniest thing in the last movie, and this time he’s got all these great lines like when he says… Hang on, there’s that time when… no that was the first movie. Oh, ya, there’s this scene where… That’s weird, I can’t remember even one funny line.
There are a few good scenes though. Like when this mean General guy tells Mr Fantastic, "you’ll follow my orders, just like the nerds did in high school" and Mr Fantastic does this whole "well now I’ve got a hot girlfriend and superpowers and science" thing. Sweet! It’s always cool when the guys who are about to save humanity from destruction are exchanging playground insults. Really adds to the drama and awe.
But, seriously, when they start switching powers it’s the most entertaining thing in the whole movie. It’s so entertaining, in fact, that they have to keep doing it over and over and over again.
And if you ever get confused about what’s going on (since the plot is so complicated), there’s this part right near the end where the stone guy explains everything, talking out loud to no-one in particular in that way they always do in the movies.
Best of all, it has the decency to get it over with in 92 minutes, and not hang around for three hours stinking up the theatre like Pirates of the Caribbean 3 or Spider-man 3. Who knows, maybe they’ll get all full of themselves when they get to the inevitable third edition of Fantastic Four and make it four hours long. That way we can enjoy some shut-eye and still have time to eat our popcorn.
- Alistair Fairweather
