Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (3D)

What it's about:

After getting a taste for blood as children, Hansel and Gretel (played by Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arteton) have become the ultimate vigilantes, hellbent on retribution. Now, unbeknownst to them, they've become the hunted and must face an evil far greater than witches: Their past.
 
What we thought:

Hansel and Gretel is the latest addition to that genre of films that attempt to give classical text and characters action movie chops. If you want an idea of what I mean, think The Brothers Grimm or Van Helsing.   

Siblings Hansel and Gretel, presumably having got over their considerable childhood trauma, are now a pair of hired guns who sell their services to villages who have evil witches that need taking out.

They're a dangerous pair, with the fighting skills of seasoned UFC combatants and a collection of weaponry that could serve a small army. When a coven of witches begin stealing children from a village, Hansel and Gretel are called in to take care of the problem.  

The film starts off promisingly enough. I liked the colourful world (I especially enjoyed the motley band of witches that show up late in the film). Director Tom Wirkola shows a skill for using gore for humourous ends, much like an early Peter Jackson or Sam Raimi.  

Sadly, the film lacks a story that has enough to our sustain interest, and around the halfway mark, it stops being fun and merely feels like another action film going through the motions.  

Gemma Arteton and Jeremy Renner play the titular sibling mercenaries, while Famke Janssen plays the evil witch Muriel, who is quite beautiful, but occasionally turns into a Goth with the most severe skin problem in human history. Derek Mears plays a troll with a heart of gold.  

And that’s about all I have to say about the performances. None of the players here make much of an impression (barring Peter Stormare, but he is someone who leaves an impression wherever he goes) and mostly leave the bulk of the acting to their costumes and the production design.  

Similarly, the story is hardly one that could be called compelling. Characters say their lines, stuff happens, rinse, cycle, repeat. There is the sense that there were too many meddling hands on a production that required fewer.  

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is fluff (and not very well made fluff at that) and it's likely that you will forget about it mere moments after the end credits begin. It will pass through your system with all the nutritional value of a Happy Meal.