Mortdecai

What it's about:

Juggling some angry Russians, the British Mi5, his impossibly leggy wife and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part time rogue Charlie Mortdecai must traverse the globe armed only with his good looks and special charm in a race to recover a stolen painting rumoured to contain the code to a lost bank account filled with Nazi gold.

What we thought:

After watching Mortdecai I came to two conclusions: This was either a very bad movie...or I just didn’t get it.

Either (if not both) is possible.

Starring Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow and Ewan McGregor the movie promised some light-hearted entertainment, which it did indeed deliver... with a side order of WTF.

The movie sees Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) juggling angry Russians, the British Mi5, and an international terrorists in a race to recover a stolen painting rumoured to contain a code that leads to lost Nazi gold.

Take a bit of British aristocratism, a bit of posh art, a bit of wacky chase scenes and a poor excuse for a moustache and you’ve got Mortdecai summed up.

Directed by David Koepp, known for his work on Mission: Impossible and Jurassic Park, the film sadly fails to impress. It also proves that Americans should never attempt to imitate that unique British sense of humour.

The funniest moment in the film comes from Gwyneth’s character, Johanna, who compares Mortdecai’s limp excuse of a moustache to a certain part of female anatomy which seems to be stuck to the debonair art dealer’s face. (If this is the funniest moment you should have a clear idea of what the rest of the film has to offer.)

The moustache jokes, for some strange reason, get dragged throughout the film and get very old very quickly. Not even Johnny’s big screen charisma can save this one.

Mortdecai is probably going straight to the bottom shelf at the DVD store as soon as its run in cinemas are over.