Meet Iain Thomas, the 36-year-old South African poet who is famous all over the world except in SA

Trevor Noah has pulled out at the last minute from hosting the MAMAs 2016, due to 'a severe upper respiratory infection'

Rise: Blood Hunter

2008-01-10 16:40
What it's about:

Reporter Sadie Blake tracks what she thinks is a gang of "Goths", only to be captured, drained of blood and left for dead. She wakes up in a morgue and learns she has been transformed into a vampire. With the help of a mysterious monk, she vows to track the bloodsuckers and destroy them.

What we thought of it:

Rise has to be one of the dullest and most pointless horror films made this year, and could probably stand up against the worst films of the last decade in a contest of taking 90 minutes and making it seem like several weeks. Actually, it's a bit of a stretch to even call it a film. We're only giving it a 1* rating because we can't give it zero.

Lucy Liu isn't much of an actress. She does get naked a bit (but not naked enough to justify you sitting through Rise), and the rest of the cast might as well be finger puppets for all the drama and energy they bring to the mix. James D'Arcy plays the evil arch vampire with all the foppish British charm of Hugh Grant after serious brain damage, and Marilyn Manson makes a cameo as a bartender.

The first of Rise's endless problems is that all plot and character development have actually been edited out of the final product, leaving a random series of scenes with no motivation. Who is the head vampire? Some British guy who sucks blood. Who is the mysterious monk who trains Sadie? Oh, he's just some mysterious monk. What are these vampires planning? You've watched enough vampire movies, so make up your own plot.

The action and special effects are laughable, and with the internet around, teenage boys no longer have to fork out money on rubbish like this to see brief glimpses of celebrity nipples.

A more exciting alternative to Rise would be to tear up your money, and sit on a park bench and watch pigeons. Honestly. This deserves nothing but contempt.

- Ivan Sadler
A reporter investigates a clan of vampires who capture her and turn her into one of them. She hunts them down one by one and exacts a brutal vengeance.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

2016-10-14 07:38


Recent Reviews

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

2016-10-14 07:38

Just another typical Tom Cruise action film, with nothing to get too excited about. The film is loaded with action-film stereotypes and cheesy one-liners. Read More »
Add your review

Hands of Stone

2016-10-14 07:38

Hands of Stone is a bland, unlikable portrayal of a real-life boxer that struggles to hit the highs of Rocky IV let alone Raging Bull or the original Rocky. Mark this one down as “for boxing fanatics only”. Read More »
Add your review

There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.