As for the kids, they are appropriately cute and/or cuddly and/or hot. Whether they can act or not seems irrelevant to the filmmakers – as long as they look the part. Ryan Newman is the only one who stands out at all, playing a spirited little girl with super strength. She has got the adorable-blonde-poppet act down pat, but it wears thin eventually. The other three are generic at best, with Spencer Breslin putting in the worst performance of the lot. Like Allen, you have to wonder what casting directors see in this guy. Is it a coincidence he has been in half of Allen's films?
Then there's the plot, if it can be called that. Like the humour, the storyline is pure cinematic polony. It's made entirely from the leftovers, the snouts and ears, of a dozen better films all ground up, squeezed into a new shape and dyed a pretty colour. The result is as bland and predictable as you would expect. Nerds and geeks triumph over adversity? Wow that's original. A team of misfits come together to save the world? What is this, 1987?
Perhaps we should dwell upon the movie's small graces. There's no swearing and only a minimal amount of mucus. There's little real violence, and none of the cast are ugly enough to induce nausea. In fact if you're in the mood for a movie that is very little of anything at all, that will just slip right past your brain and land with a plop on the cinema floor, then Zoom is your movie. Even if you don't enjoy it, don't stress, you will forget it before you even get to the parking lot.
- Alistair Fairweather
Dumber than a bag of hammers! More predictable than cold oatmeal! Clumsier than a drunk bear! It's Zoom, the most unnecessary film of the year.
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