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Four Factor: Flash Queens

2007-10-02 11:57
This week's four factors rated out of ten are:

Loud (Controversy) Factor: Any publicity is good publicity! So who makes the most noise on stage and off to ensure they get a two-page spread on the third or back page of the Sunday tabloids?

Performance Factor: Yes, sex sells. But how far, high or low do they go to entertain the masses and push record sales?

Style Factor: Confidence is their middle name because they sure know how to flaunt what their mammas gave them! But who needs to upgrade their weave and fire their stylist? Do they even have a stylist?

Talent factor: Okay these young lasses have got it going on! But after all is said and done, what is their real claim to fame? Can they sing, dance or even act? Who’s got the moves and who’s got the vocal pipes?

This week’s candidates are:

Kelly Khumalo
Loud/Controversy factor: In 2005, Kelly Khumalo burst onto the music scene with her debut TKO. She sure knocked us out, covered in her colourful “traditional” beaded outfits baring her thighs and more! As if her very first appearance at the Crux Gospel Star talent search in 2003 wasn’t enough drama. Kelly rocked up at the contest in a bikini top and faded jeans and sang a gospel version of “U Jesu’phakeme (Jesus is Almighty)! She was eliminated, but that was only the beginning. Since then she’s had tongues wagging in every sense! From publicly stating that she’s an “itjitji” (a virgin maiden) to being in public spats with DJ Cleo for calling him gay, record-label drama, legal issues, rumours of dating a married man, and much more. She once stated that her Christian beliefs wouldn’t stop her from displaying her body, as it is part of her African heritage. And so she continues to strut her stuff and being a regular in shwashi columns. 9

Performance Factor: Kelly gives her audience a show they’ll never forget! She gives it all she’s got! From the daring outfits and jaw dropping moves on stage to her amazing vocal skills. Kelly’s raunchy moves on stage may have grasped and shocked the masses, but with hits like “Qinisela” (check out the house jam) she won some hearts and sold a boot(y) load of albums! 8

Style Factor: Eish Miss Khumalo! Where do we begin? She’s a natural beauty this one and with all that leg lifting and gyrating, Miss peek-a-boo is in damn good shape too! Still, it’s time Miss Kelly wore some clothes on and off-stage: since she’s all for African heritage that weave’s got to go because we just don’t be’ weave it girl! And whoever your stylist is, (s)he’s gotta go because (s)he isn’t doing your fine self any justice sisi! 6

Talent factor: Drama and booty aside, this girl can SING! She has a husky velvety voice that she can simply manipulate to do whatever she wants. From Gospel to pop, this girl is talented. It’s no wonder some regard her as the new queen of Afro-pop in Mzansi. Her single “Qinisela” was number one on Metro FM Top 20 for a month and on the charts for 20 weeks. She shared the stage with the international Hip-Hop Star Missy Elliot and other international acts in Johannesburg in 2005. She performed at most of Kaizer Chiefs football club home matches in the 2005/6 Season. Miss Khumalo was nominated for 2 South African Music Awards in 2006 for the Most Popular Song of the Year (where she was the only female artist nominated) & Best Afro Pop Album. She was also nominated for the South African Music Award this year, for the Best Afro Pop Album. Throughout the summer months she performed on average 4 times a week throughout the country. Talented and in demand! 9

Loud/Controversy Factor: BoShwashwi should thank Chomee for escalating their newspaper sales every week! Without her how would they entertain the masses? If she’s not seen performing with those raunchy, reveal-and-feel outfits, she’s making headlines for stealing choreographer-now-turned-singer, Somizi’s dance moves and costumes! She claims there’s nothing intimate between her and her producer, Arthur Mafokate. Oh please! They are like two peas in a pod. They’ve been seen together at award ceremonies, celebrity gigs and they even took little Owami on a family outing to the Rand Show. Could this also be work related? This teenybopper better be careful though. Arthur is already a baby daddy and we’ve seen him do this with Queen(his baby mama). Where is she now? 9

Performance Factor: Bootylicious Chomee is infamous for her ‘Jiva Sexy’ dances which have believe-it-or-not stirred waves like Arthur’s “Sika Lekhekhe”. Sex appeal is her middle name and all her videos are dripping with it. But for someone who claims she started dancing at age five, one would expect more creativity than the ‘show-my-panties-dance’ she’s always throwing in our faces. We wonder how she can face her parents after flaunting herself like that?? Accompanied by her posse of dancers her stage performances seem more like teasers than anything else. She’s been nominated for best female video for the upcoming Channel O music awards, so fellas vote away. We know you like it! 7

Style Factor: Mini-skirts, hot pants, tank tops are all she’s known for. Snapshots of her wearing what looked like a five-year-old’s summer outfit with her legs wide open make Britney look like a virgin. She’s been caught wearing a blue Santa Claus dress re-designed to suit her porn star look of course! That “Battle of the Million Dollar” saga between her and Somizi who accused her of being a copycat was plain hilarious. Maybe it wasn’t just a publicity stunt after all since she’s copied Janet Jackson’s bra and track pants look and she’s performed dressed in Christina Aguilera’s Lady Marmalade suspenders and corset. What were the Metro Awards judges smoking when they gave her the award for Best Styled artist? She should have gotten the Get Dressed award! 4

Talent factor: She started as a dancer for Arthur Mafokate and took her chances with singing when she was told her talent only goes as far as her “Sika Lekhekhe” dances. Unfortunately, after her unsuccessful Mo’rapper wannabe debut, First Time, she had to return to what she knows best: jiving sexy in “Jiva Sexy”. Yes her new album sells, but we are still not too sure whether it’s because of her bootylicious dance moves or her R&B kissed kwaito vocals! 6

Read about her on We Heard What?

Loud/Controversy Factor: Thembi really needs to tone down. On everything! Uyaphapha, she’s rowdy and she’s way too old for Jika Majika! For someone who has many years of experience in the music industry it’s disappointing what’s become of her singing career. She’s regressed from a respectable artist during the days of Boom Shaka to a ‘kid’ presenter on Jika Majika. She should consider giving it up to an actual teenager, maybe one of Yo-TV’s presenters? And that shrieking voice can penetrate through deaf ears! Clearly she doesn’t know what microphones are made for. 8

Performance Factor: Thembi can dance! Props to that! Remember when she used to rock stages during the days of Boom Shaka with the late Lebo Mathosa? Their performances were awe-inspiring. So why does she feel like she needs to prove herself all over again? She needs to calm down in Jika Majika and let bomajivane show us what they are made of. As for her singing career, we’ve already established its non-existent. She hasn’t released anything in ages. 4

Style Factor:Thembi has a great body! She’s beautiful, curvaceous and her cleavage is to die for. A true African woman! Who sometimes gets it right with her casual and laid back look. But that run down weave obscures her natural beauty. As for her over-the-top designer outfits, no words can fully describe how nasty they are. She tends to over do it! She was spotted in heels and an evening dress at a beach party at Ibiza in Spain. Mara why? Did she get the wrong invite? 6

Talent factor: She rocked the 90’s with Boom Shaka. Everyone wanted to be like her and Lebo – long braids, hot pants and singing on the beach. But as soon as they broke up she should have realised the music industry isn’t for her. She can’t rap! Both her solo albums Lollipop and Smatsatsa were disastrous. And that “Ha ke tseba nkaiketsang?” (I don’t know what to do with myself) song was her downfall. What she should do with herself, is stay away from the music industry if she doesn’t want to stay at the bottom of the food chain! But her acting isn’t bad at all. She’s been on Yizo-Yizo, Gaz-lam and Zone 14. She just needs to stop playing the same character, maan! Isn’t she tired of victim roles? 6

Read S'Matsatsa review

Pam Andrews

Loud/Controversy factor: It was just a matter of months after moving from the Cape Flats to Jozi, for Miss Andrews to realize her dreams. Pam Andrews is one really LOUD sister! In every sense. It’s exactly what earned her a place in the now disbanded Coca-Cola Pop Stars group 101 in 2001. You can’t miss the petite young lass because of her crazy and sometimes disastrous outfits, dodgy make-up, bizarre hairdo’s, vibrant dance moves and boisterous personality! When Pam is in the house, you just can’t miss her! Her allergy to covering up has earned her a spot as a page three or back page babe in shwashi type newspapers and magazines several times. 7

Performance Factor: Since 101, Pam only released one album, Here we go, and is now working on her second album. Albeit the debut didn’t go too far, so unfortunately or maybe fortunately we haven’t seen Pammy gyrating on stage and showing more than her mid-riff and g-string. But seeing that it wasn’t so well received we just waiting to see how far she’ll go this time around to make sure it’s a hit! 4

Style Factor: The girl has confidence galore! We have to give her that! Pam believes in herself and it’s what’s launched her career in the limelight but what’s keeping her in the limelight is the fashion disaster and crimes she keeps committing. From the colourful Mohawks to the funky wigs and just plain tacky ensembles. Miss Andrews is in dire need of a stylist because it’s clear she doesn’t have one! 4

Talent Factor:Miss Andrews has been acting lately and she’s slowly but surely getting there as an actress. She started in the soap Backstage on etv, had a cameo role in the SABC1 hit series Tshisa as a dancer and is now in Rhythm City on etv. But eish! Moment of truth: Miss Pam’s strength is as a dancer and she has a better chance as an actress. The girl can shake her body!! She has a hunger and a will to embrace life at any give opportunity with youthful optimism and killer chutzpah to boot! And she’s just so LOUD you can’t ignore her. Enough said. 7

Scores (out of 40)
Kelly Khumalo - 32
Chomee - 26
Thembi Seete - 24
Pam Andrews – 22

And the award for the Flash Queen goes to our very own ‘virgin maiden’, Kelly Khumalo.

-Gugu Mkhabela and Tiisetso Tlelima

Chomee, Kelly, Thembi or Pam? Mzansi's own flash queens. They are young, sexy and bold! They are movers and shakers in every sense of the word! We check out how these “ladies” boogie, bounce and gyrate on and off stage!

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