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In a beautiful written piece for the New York Times, Trevor Noah paints a picture of his childhood with his mother

Four Factor: Poppies of Pop Music

2007-05-04 14:47

Patricia Lewis was the quintessential pop queen in her day – back when being blonde was all you needed to be top of the charts. But times have changed; now you need blonde hair and one name. OK, maybe a few other things, too. In this weeks edition of Four Factor we see how four Pop Poppies measure up.

This week's factors are...

Blonde hair: Jessica Simpson has it. Xtina has it sometimes. Brit had it. Patricia definitely has it.
16-25 appeal: The mythical core Seventeen market, which is actually more likely 12-15. So we’re actually talking about the Huisgenoot factor here.
One name: All pop stars need a catchy name. Only one. Four letters is pushing it.
Pink factor: How much pink is on the cover, the dress, the publicity photos, the make-up? Can you say “Barbie”?
The Men’s Mag factor: Is there an FHM or GQ cover in her future?

Introducing the candidates (all scores out of ten):

Blonde hair: Check! Rich, yellow, natural-looking - 8
16-25 appeal: Big Huisgenoot appeal, though threatened by the ‘Kwaito’ label - 6
One name: Bonus! Four letters or less - 10
Pink factor: Check! Bright pinks, luminous blues - 9
The Men’s Mag factor: Most men’s mags are English, it seems, and Esti just doesn’t seem to fit the profile - 5
We say: Esti is likely to keep parties hopping in places where nothing much better is available in the shops - 4
We reviewed her album

Blonde hair: Yup. At least in the picture we have of her. - 8
16-25 appeal: Absolutely. All rock. Like Avril is rock. - 7
One name: Bonus! Four letters. - 10
Pink: Not much pink. Mostly blacks – but she does have a pink T Shirt. - 6
The Men’s Mag Factor: Somebody call Hagen Engler - 8
We say: Big in Mauritius, work to do everywhere else. - 5
Listen to “Dear Child” Take 2
Blonde hair: Fail! Dark hair. Both of them. - 0
16-25 appeal: Strangely, much older appeal. Don’t ask us why. - 6
One name: Band name. But they are named Leandi and Lelani. And they are sisters. - 7
Pink: Ya. Lots of pink on the album cover. - 8
The Men’s Mag Factor: Think the Olsen twins, only much prettier and minus the snobbery. That’s all we can say legally. - 9
We say: We’re going to have to have a word with producer Theo Crous about this. - 6
Listen to “Doem Doem Doem”

Blonde hair: Yessss. - 8
16-25 appeal: Sadly, not as much as we’d hope. - 5
One name: Yes. But six letters loses the bonus. - 7
Pink: 10!
The Men’s Mag Factor: Designed to put that across, yes. - 8
We say: "I’m not trying to rap, I’m just talking really fast”. - 5
Read our review of "Naopal"

Total Points:
Esti: 42
Arde: 43
Take 2: 36
Starla: 42

Congratulations! That makes Arde, our winner of the title Pop Music Poppie Princess 2007!

- Anton Marshall

Does a pop princess need talent? Who cares?
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