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Idols: A Toilet Break

2007-10-09 13:36
Watch the video clips
- Just in: The Top 10

- Highlights of all 12
- Andriette
- Bjorn
- Carla
- Caroline
- Daniel
- Dominic
- Jody
- Munro
- PJ
- Sebelo
- Tender
- Yolanda

But for fans, this was the last show before we hit the 'legendary' Top 10, and once again all contestants took to the stage to wade through a verse or two of whatever happens to be in their parent’s record collection. At least, that’s what it seemed like. Half of the songs were older than the singers.

But this time we were also treated to a little background information about the starry-eyed finalists. Using interviews, old photographs and probing personal questions like “What’s your star sign?” the contestants finally got the opportunity to reveal to their fans how unutterably boring they all are. Apparently, they all love their families, love their friends and humbly try to do what they do to the best of their abilities. Now either they’re liars, or the producers of Idols have somehow managed to single out 12 of the most colourless, vapid individuals in the universe.

As it turns out, they’re liars. The proof of this was Tender Mavundla’s little segment, in which she expressed her love for her family, her love for her friends, etc, etc… No mention of her HIV status and no mention of the tragic loss of her child. What’s the point in doing these biographical segments if they’re going to leave out all the juicy bits? We want to hear about the divorces, the substance abuse and the sexual deviance. So what if they all love their mothers? Who cares?
But on with the show. Predictably, most of the performances were pretty standard. The remaining 12 can sing fairly well with a bit of effort, but that’s about it, really. The few that stood out included Sabelo Mthembu who totally sucked and Munro du Toit, who, since the departure of “Cliff Jennings”, is now without a doubt the biggest goober on national television. He’s such an embarrassing attention whore it’s surprising his family don’t deny his existence.

On the positive side was Carla Louw, wearing a strangely appealing Baby Jane dress that looked like it was designed to hide both boobies and a five month pregnancy. Theoretically, this shouldn’t be hot – but it is. Oh, and she sang pretty well too. Jody Williams did as well as expected, albeit with yet another dreadful Whitney Houston song, but best of the bunch this time round was undoubtedly Andriëtte Norman, who turned a crappy Bryan Adams ballad into something that was almost listenable, prompting Randall Abrahams to comment that she was the best singer he’s ever heard on Idols. Nice one, fatty!

And on a side note, judge Mara Louw was inconspicuous by her absence this week. Apparently she had a “previous engagement”. If only we all had such pleasant working conditions!

Next week, the Idols circus moves to the Ellispark Arena, where the top 10 will karaoke their hearts out in front of thousands of fans. Tickets may cost up to R60, but can you really put a price on the opportunity to hurl something wet and squidgy at the next contestant to launch into a Celine Dion cover? Now that’s priceless.

- Chris McEvoy

This week’s edition of the snoozefest that is Idols came sandwiched between a special edition of Carte Blanche and some rugby game or other. So for those interested in both the national sport and what white, middle class DA voters are thinking - but still have a taste in music - the programme might well have been a 90 minute toilet break.

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