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Idols: Girl-on-girl action

2007-09-25 12:23
The Clips
- Andriette
- Belinda
- Carla
- Caroline
- Dominique
- Dudu
- Heidi
- Jackoleen
- Jody
- Liza
- Tender
- Yolanda

Back to the Column
Unfortunately, any hope of FHM-level titillation was wishful thinking. Not a single contestant did as much as expose a midriff - let alone wear something that made them look like a prostitute in training - you know, the way real pop stars look. Remember Britney Spears, back in the day before she turned into a Cheetos-munching alcoholic fatster? Her outfits were so smoking hot you could almost forgive her for that cacophonous drivel she has the temerity to call music. That's what real pop stars look like: emaciated harlots with rug burns on their butts from the last meeting with their producer.

They don't look like Dudu or Big Pete - this is simply a given, not a debate - and they don't look like they were dressed by their mothers. But for the most part, the female contestants might as well have been on their way to a church fete. Surely this isn't what happens to everyone who shops at Truworths?
So another five contestants disappear back into the shapeless obscurity from whence they came. You've probably forgotten their names already, but they were the unfortunately proportioned Dudu, who's scary hair made her poor song choice the lesser of her worries; Heidie, who delivered an overdose of bland; Belinda, who didn't even seem to be trying, Liza, who's physical gifts were not enough to see her through a horrible version of a horrible Bonnie Tyler song; and Jackoleen, who made it into the top half, only to be voted off by the viewers. Bummer.

The most entertaining moment of the show this week came to us courtesy of Heidie, who, as her name was called out, seemed to mutter "fuck" under her breath.

And oh, yes, there's also the HIV thing. Finalist Tender Mavundla revealed her HIV-positive status last week to her fellow contestants, with whom she shares a house. According to the Sunday Times, housemate Belinda Cherry reacted: "I bit myself on Saturday and shared a drink with Tender on Sunday morning. Now, I was put into a situation that I had no control over… And that makes me f***ing angry!"

Now you'd think that a 25 year old beautician from Pietermarizburg would have picked up a little HIV/AIDS education along the highway of life. At least enough to know that you can't get HIV from sharing a drink. Can this woman read? Does she have a television? How did an urbanised, middle class sentient being with a quarter of a century's air time under her belt manage to make it this far without finding out this simple fact? Perhaps we'll never know. Thank you, Idols, for showing us yet another one of life's little mysteries.

- Chris McEvoy

Given that this week's edition of Idols SA was an all-girl affair, one would expect to be treated to some serious eye candy as the contestants use everything at their disposal to wow the judges and the viewers into throwing a vote their way. Young, urbanised women are well aware of the fact that wearing a skimpy top and squeezing their boobies together generally achieves far more than saying or doing anything with a modicum of intelligence, so why not take advantage of one's youth and bea
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