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Idols III - three times as painful? - Episode one: the hopeless hopefuls

2006-03-29 11:04

The judges are a grand bunch don't you think? Mara Louw is always politically correct and might even start a fashion trend with that beady headgear of hers. Patricia De Lille - look out for the competition.

We love Dave Thompson because he seems to know what the hell he is talking about. His 30 years in the music industry make for much insightful comments and his new hairstyle looks quite funky too! I wonder if they taught him that in the biz as well?

As for Gareth Cliff, well, I'm torn in two. He is likeable (a.k.a sweetie) and makes some sound judgments but there's just Something About Mary when it comes to him. I reckon it's a toss between either being out his league compared to the other judges, or him still recovering from his break-up with fellow 5FM DJ Nicole Fox.

As for Randall Abrahams, a Lexigram actually proves that he is indeed the anti-Christ! It seems Randall is taking his job as Station Manager at 5FM and his aspirations of being a second-rate Simon Cowell too seriously. Let it go brother! Listen to some of your own advice and make the portrayal of a real music competition judge your own! By the way could you please do something about the playlists on 5FM, before it becomes a ghost radio station?

As for the contestants? Cape Town folk are much better dancers than they are singers. This is quite shocking since Heinz Winkler was kind of from Cape Town and that he could kind of sing. The inconsistency with which the judges chose the few who would make it to the next round in Joburg was pathetic!

Dear Mara - what was up with asking that guy to take off his jacket? Was perving his Idols package pecks the only way you could get over his average voice? So, if you want to make it to the next round and you have an average voice, here's some advice from me: be a poppie and flutter your eyelids, or wear something tight!

What possesses a person to enter that competition if they can't sing? They either believe in themselves too much or had one too many outings to the Rasta hangout in Mowbray! That guy who had a fit because the judges told him couldn't sing must have heard himself before he walked into that room right? After all, it's kind of hard not miss the demonic sounds coming from your mouth while you perform both your own composition and the friggin national anthem! Or did the demonic sounds came from that girl who sang the Alicia Keys song?

How about that chick Jenna, whose father was some legend from a band way back when (details do not matter). She is a first class poppie, whose hair was better than her voice! She needs to hang out at the Rasta spot in Mowbray. Yet Jenna went through and the poor little plump girls - who had the lung capacity to hold a note I might add, but did not have the looooook - went home.

Our very own Michael Jackson also gave us much to laugh about - more for his hair strands that were cut out from black bags than his dire voice.

The Cape Town leg of the Idols III auditions was scary to say the least. Lets hope that the few hopeless ones that did go through get exorcised before they mingle with the rest in Round II.

- Tinsel Trasch

Idols III arrived with a bang, and I must admit that it left a rather nasty taste in my mouth. The ratio between freaks and those that can actually sing in Cape Town is clearly about 50-1. Factor in delusional judges and you double it instantly.

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