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Idols: Prediction Time

2007-12-05 08:52
The Clips
- The Recap
- Andriette: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
- Andriette: Waking In Memphis
- Andriette: Loving Arms
- Jody: On the Wings of Love
- Jody: Aint’ No Other Man
- Jody: Dance With My Father
- Munro: Tears In Heaven
- Munro: Hey There Delilah
- Munro: Born To Be Wild

Stop Press: Results Video

- Bye Bye Munro

...and back to the column
But since I get paid by the word, here’s a quick recap: Tender Mavudla, quite possibly the best performer in the top 10, was dismissed last week, leaving us with Munro du Toit, Andriëtte Norman and Jody Williams. Munro is the last doofus standing from a particularly sad crop of male singers. The fact that he’s still in the competition at all is in itself an indictment against the concept of giving cellphones to teenagers. But of course Idols has never been just about staying in key and remembering all the words, so you’ve got to hand it to the boy: he’s stumbled onto a heart-winning rocker-slash-dork-next-door image that will no doubt see him through many a lucrative corporate appearance in the months to come – and might even be enough to win him the competition, despite his obvious shortcomings as a singer.

Throwing the basics of elocution to the four winds, Brackenfellian Andriëtte stumbles clumsily through her interview segments with an accent flatter than a crêpe under a steamroller, but sails through her songs effortlessly and professionally. She’s easily the most gifted vocalist the show has seen for many a season, but loses critical points for being a clueless frump who dresses like an ageing librarian.
As we were reminded this week, Andriëtte was one of the first rounders who was given a makeover and asked to sing again. For someone so young and potentially hot, she’s disturbingly detached from her own physicality. Like it or not, being sexy is an important factor in show business, and being able to sing "Somewhere over the Rainbow" better than Judy Garland only counts for so much if you look like a socially inept spinster. She’d be a far more appealing performer if she’d only stop shopping with her mother. Joining a gym wouldn’t hurt either, come to think about it.

Then there’s Jody, only 17 years old, but looking and sounding a lot younger. Some fuss was made about her father letting her pull out of school to compete in Idols. Yes, it may not have been the best parenting decision in the world, but you can’t blame the guy for trying to milk a potential cash cow. She’s the least likely to win the competition, but she might still turn into a great singer one day when she grows up and realizes that Whitney Houston and Celine Dion totally suck. Unlike Andriëtte, Jody is well aware that sex appeal wins votes, but watching her attempts at vamping it up is a bit like watching an eight-year-old girl try to flirt with her uncle. It’s disquieting, and you can’t help but wonder what she’s doing up and about at this ungodly hour.

This week we were exposed to nine songs – three from each finalist – in quite possibly the longest 90 minutes in human history. Not that it matters any more, but Andriëtte sang the best, Jody was fair to OK, and Munro screwed up, recovered, then sucked as he usually does. But that’s OK because unless one of the Idols decides to murder a puppy on stage, nobody is changing their votes at this point in the competition.

So who will win? It’s hard to say. Andriëtte’s the best singer, but Munro outperforms her, ham that he is. Jody is competent, but falls behind in both categories. She’s sort of sweet though, and has a huge fan base. Remember, this isn’t just a singing contest – it’s also about popularity – and you know how we South Africans love the bland, the dorky and the predictable. So basically, it’s anyone’s game.

- Chris McEvoy

It’s the second last show with three contestants remaining and well, that’s about it really. Seriously, how much more do you need to know? This is the sixteenth week you’ve been exposed to these guys, so if you haven’t worked out the strengths, weaknesses and quite possibly the sock sizes of each contestant by now you might want to check into your nearest hospital for a quick electroencephalograph.

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