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Idols: Top 6 Purgatory

2007-11-13 14:37
The Clips
- The Recap
- Andriette: first song
- Andriette: second song
- Bjorn: first song
- Bjorn: second song
- Daniel: first song
- Daniel: second song
- Jody: first song
- Jody: second song
- Munro: first song
- Munro: second song
- Tender: first song
- Tender: second song

Stop Press:
- Bye bye Bjorn

And now with bouncing bunny Carla Louw consigned to the scrapheap of never-was-beens, the show has lost some colour. She wasn’t ever going to win, but she was fun to mentally undress, and more amusing than annoying when she screwed up. Oh well, that’s what happens when 80 per cent of the vote comes from screeching consumerist jailbait powered purely by hormones and mascara.

This was also the show in which the contestants answered questions which fans posted to their website. Predictably, this was as bland as ever. Tender Mavundla fielded a question on the controversial topic of – wait for it – yes, you’ve got it – her hair. Ooh, edgy! Andriëtte Norman used her allocated time to tell us that she was cutting herself off from all the negative criticism, which can only lead one to believe that she reads this column. Hi, Chubby!
The world’s most annoying carbuncle Munro du Toit fielded flirtatious questions with equally flirtatious answers, which conjured up images so horrific you’d have to imagine your grandparents shagging to stop yourself from throwing up on your shoes. One has to feel sorry for his girlfriend, the poor deluded fool. Jody Williams seemed to suggest that she would drop her boyfriend like a ton of flaming crap if he got in the way of her career, and Daniel Büys informed us that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, which makes perfect sense. It’s doubtful he’d know what to do with her if he did, and she’d just sit there getting bored. Who have we left out? Oh - Björn Blignaut. Whatever.

Anyway, the music theme this week was hits from the new millennium, so we got the chance to see just how far pop music has sunk. Tender covered the most ridiculous song of the decade, Rihanna’s “Umbrella” – incorrectly pronounced “umbuhrella” throughout. Check out these lyrics: “You can stand under my umbrella / Ella ella eh eh eh / Under my umbrella / ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh.” Brilliant, isn’t it? This is why songwriters don’t get paid by the word.

Nickelback is the decade’s most annoying rock band, and “How You Remind Me” their most annoying song, so guess who decided to cover that one? That’s right - you got it in one. Duck and cover, folks – that head’s going to explode any minute.

Most of the contestants seemed to do one decent performance and one not so decent, with the exception of Björn, who sucked both times. His over-confidence has made him lazy, and this is becoming more and more apparent as the competition becomes more intense. But knowing who takes Idols seriously enough to actually vote, he just might be able to cruise through to another week on groupie power. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

- Chris McEvoy

You’d think that with only six left standing the Sunday evening Idols experience would be far less painful, but you’d be wrong. Instead of doing the sensible thing and filling their 90 minute time slot with more risible little interviews that make the contestants sound like semi-retarded basket weavers, Idols is now using the extra time by having each finalist sing TWO songs. Great. Now the show feels twice as long. The only other places where time slows down so effectively are the
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