Is there life after cheating?

If you’re in a monogamous relationship, being cheated on can leave you feeling devastated and betrayed. We question why the other person cheated on us. Why would they do this to me? What did I do wrong? Where did I fall short of being everything to my partner? Often, the reasons a partner cheats don’t always have to do with what we do or don’t do.

That said, some may decide to salvage the relationship after infidelity. If you decide to stay after being cheated on, you’re going to have to commit to some work to get through the betrayal.

You will have to communicate to death. Tell your partner how you feel and ask all the questions you want answers to. Don’t use your partner’s cheating as an excuse to behave badly.

If you’re the one who cheated and are staying with your partner, then be honest.

Answer your partner’s questions about what you did as honestly as you can. Figure out why you cheated. What was your cheating a symptom of? Address it. Take ownership of your actions and realise that the dynamics of the relationship will change. Reassure your partner and make them feel special again, not only by what you say, but in your actions.

The questions of the betrayed can only go on for a certain length of time. You’ve decided to work things out, after all. You can’t punish your partner’s indefinitely with reminders of his or her poor behaviour. You’re going to have to forgive and forget.

This means letting go of the anger and hurt, and choosing to move forward. This will entail trusting your partner again ... especially in your absence. You cannot police their every move. Yes, they messed up, but you both chose to repair things and will have to trust that your partner has both your interests at heart. It won’t be easy.

Rebuilding trust after it has been broken can be a major challenge and will take time.

Do the things that brought you closer together. Be present, and put in the necessary work to restore and renew your relationship.

Do you have a question for Jade?

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