24 Quotes: Homer Simpson

1. D'oh!

2. If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

3. Ah, beer. The cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems.

4. Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

5. Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.

6. All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

7. Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a giant blender.

8. I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

9. if God didn't want us to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin.

10. "To start, press any key." Where's the "any" key?! I see Kuh-tor-ull, Esc, and Pig-Up, but I don't see the "Any" key! Woah, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty, I think I'll order a tab. (Presses tab key) Ooh, too late for that now, the computer's starting!

11. When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

12. There's so much I don't know about astrophysics! I wish I read that book by that wheelchair guy.

13. English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

14. Son, when you participate in sporting events - it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

15. Books are useless: I only ever read one book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" - and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but what good does THAT do me?

16. I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

17. Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

18. (Telling Bart about how he avoided jury duty) The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

19. Always give in to peer pressure.

20. (While holding a newborn Bart) As long as he has eight fingers and eight toes, he's fine by me.

21. But Marge, what if we picked the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

22. Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love?

23. Do I know what rhetorical means?

24. Trying is the first step toward failure.

Sources: www.homersimpsonquotes.com, www.2spare.com, funny2.com