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Idols 6: Hear one, hear all

2010-08-30 06:43

The second group of Top 14 contestants has performed for your votes. Good luck trying to recall the differences between them. Watching Idols is like listening to those 100% cover albums. You recognise the song, but there's something off about the singer and you're struggling to distinguish Lady Gaga from Beyoncé, which of course is a pop music tragedy.

Judith Sephuma, however, is in a class of her own. You'll never mistake her for anyone. As a singer, a judge and an all-round nice person, Judith taught the rest of the peanut gallery a thing or two about sincerity, intelligible criticism and class.

In the next ten weeks I'm praying for a variety show, not a playlist. Let's revisit this week's performances and see who falls off our chart. 

Jamie-Lee: 4/10
It started off on a promising note, but Duffy's Mercy was crying out for some by the chorus. Jamie-Lee set the bar for the evening by simply reciting a few lyrics while trying to look cute. It's just not enough.

Zintle: 3/10
Playing 'how low can you go' with your voice for your first Idols stage performance is just stupid. When the chorus came round, Zintle was finally audible, but she doesn't have the vocal chops to pull off another 10 weeks. She may have passed the auditions with an Adele song, but Chasing Pavements left her stranded.

Elvis Blue: 5/10
Elvis had the best home video out of all the contestants. Randall was right – the shot of the baby was all he needed to get the votes. The Heinz Winckler endorsement is questionable though; it could work against him. He didn't really lift me up with that Heaven rendition and the shitty accompaniment. He's got skill, but I can't vote if he's put me to sleep with that droning tune.

Gail: 5/10
Gail succeeded where S'Posh failed. She pulled off an Alicia Keys song, If I Aint Got You. Bonus point for that feat. While she started off cool and controlled, Gail travelled to the depth of Kimberley's Big Hole to deliver that wailing end. Way too much, darling. Rather keep your singing as understated as your look. You can pull it off.

Lloyd: 8/10
Lloyd sang former American Idol winner David Cook's Time Of My Life and he completely nailed it! He looked like he would spontaneously combust any second from all that volatile emotion. The judges were at least awake during this performance and called it right. Just when I thought this monotonous pop recital would create static on my TV, Lloyd saved the show and almost melted my remote.

Adeline: 3/10
Before we get to the singing, I must admit that I was rather distracted by her big,There's Something About Mary hair. Like the skin-tight dress wasn't enough. Why is she the only one who gets to dress like a Jersey Shore castmate? The Idols crew like to think the public will judge Adeline on her looks, but they're the ones parading her like a pony. There's not much to say about her performance, except that yes, When Love Takes Over is a modern up-tempo song, Randall. That doesn't make her any good. Peter G also tried his hand at David Guetta last week and it got him booted. Let's hope the David Guetta curse continues this week. Mara was hilarious as she neatly refused to judge Adeline at all!

Funeka: 5/10
A neat, poised and clean performance. But when you have to think about it that hard, there's no time to be emotive. Kelly Clarkson's A Moment Like This is such a predictable choice for an Idol wannabe, and it makes Funeka look like she's trying too hard to be chosen as Head Girl. Mara got back on her happy-pill horse and proclaimed Funeka would make the Top 2. Hmm... Don't think so.

Who should leave:
Adeline and Zintle

Vote for your favourite until 10pm on Monday night. Here's how.  

Warning: If you watch Idols for long enough, distinction between performers becomes increasingly difficult.

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