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14 of the craziest Joan Rivers one-liners

2014-09-05 09:24

Los Angeles - When Joan Rivers wanted to make a joke, no topic was off limits.

Whether it be pompous celebrities, her husband's suicide, the Holocaust  or herself, she spared no comment that was on her mind!

Here are 14 of Joan's best one liners:

1) "I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

2) "Looking 50 is great - if you're 60."

3) "Comedy is an angry white man's game. Even if you're Chris Rock or Joan Rivers, you're really an angry white man."

4) "All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years, my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

5) "I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware."

6) "There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl."

7) "My husband killed himself. And it was my fault. We were making love and I took the bag off my head."

8) "I hate cooking! its boring and its stupid!"

9) "My parents just didn't like me. 'Til I was 9, my mother was trying to get an abortion."

10) "Katie Holmes is not a very good actress. Did you see her try and play John F. Kennedy's wife? She was so bad he shot himself in it."

11) "I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive."

12) "Look, nobody is 100 percent happy. I'm 93 percent happy, which means that I am very lucky. I think anyone who gets to even 60 percent should be glad."

13) "My body is a temple, my temple needs redecorating"

14) "I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

(Source for GIFs: Tumblr)

Read more on:    joan rivers  |  celebrities  |  lol
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