Survivor SA: Maldives Recap - Episode 1

The fourth season of Survivor SA has just started in the Maldives and already the whining and dining has begun.

Before I whip out my bitchy stick, here's the 411 on the deal so far.

Two camps, celebs and plebs, two separate islands. Neither camp is aware of the other. Celeb camp gets divided to play for the reward of fishing tackle, but the entire team shares the prize as they return to camp together. So the point of the challenge was...

Pleb camp gets divided to play for immunity. One of the ten plebs will leave in the first episode.

Let's first dissect the idea to play celebs up against ordinary citizens, ie. plebs. This is a stretch at best since our 'celebs' stepped straight off the Zzz-list while the 'plebs' seem a lot more intelligent and savvy than their tux-clad rivals.

When Coconuts actress Philicity Reeken finally took in her surroundings on the island, she seemed startled at its size and sparseness. She's a little confused about the definition of an island. I could hear her thinking "What do you mean there's no mall after the R300 sandbank?"

The plebs seemed a lot happier with their new 'home' and embraced the challenge. Pro rugby player Lukhanyo beat his chest and insisted on being the alpha male. Okay, there's nothing wrong with a bit of initiative, but when he said to Tasleem "No, don't do that, that's man stuff", he cemented his fate. 

This sexism could be something in the water on pleb island, as lawyer Sean quickly developed a case of asshole-itis too. While discussing who to vote off, he insisted the males were more of a physical asset so he thought it was best to vote the 'females' off. Huh. Funny thing that all three previous seasons of Survivor SA have been won by 'females'.

On celeb island, things were less tense as they weren't playing for immunity.  After winning fishing tackle and flint I was expecting a seafood feast to be served up.

But why eat fish when Isidingo's Tshepo Maseko can set a rat trap and serve barbecued vermin instead? Soon all the celebs were relishing their rat spitbraai. The sight of it was enough to vote out my stomach contents.

Perhaps it's a stunt to drum up hype, or perhaps celebrities are too bloody lazy to catch their own fish. Digging a rat trap is way easier. Either way, it was certainly in bad taste. Eeuw.

At tribal council nothing of interest was offered. The five plebs up for elimination - Lukhanyo, Sean, Sindi, Simon and Alison - took the opportunity to have a little whine without their meal and lamented everything from the weather to peer pressure. Wait, who changed the channel to the O.C.?

Eventually Loverboy Lukhanyo (that's what the ballot read!) was voted out. Smartest move? The strong ones always fall out early so it was just a matter of time before the pro rugby player became too much of a physical threat.

I'm most looking forward to Hykie Berg and Jacques Terre'Blanche working on their bromance and pleb Harry solving some big natural dilemma with his mathematical skills.

Next week the plebs and celebs discover each other.  Will you be tuning in, and much more importantly, would you eat a rat?

Survivor SA: Maldives airs on M-Net on Thursdays at 19:30.