Slacker uprising! Right after this bong

2008-09-29 14:20
This month Moore releases his latest full-length offering, Slacker Uprising, as a free download on the interwebs, but since you're probably not in the USA or Canada (well, not yet, anyway), you can't get it because of copyright laws which, in the spirit of the movie, I didn't bother to research. Exactly how Moore expects to create political activists out of people who can't even drag their asses off their couch and into a cinema is a mystery, but I'm just a simple South African communist, and the subtleties of American politics are lost on me.

It's a sad indictment on the world that we need Moore to hit home these obvious, no-brainer points over and over again – points that we should really be taking for granted by now. But unfortunately we do, because the human species is a lot like a child in its first stages of potty training. We know more or less what we're supposed to be doing, we may even try our best to do it, but we only ever realise what a mess we're making when it's far too late to correct our trajectory and avoid the damage will cost us more in time, suffering and dry cleaning than we can only begin to comprehend.

We want co-operation and prosperity, so we invent political systems, which we then use to justify starving half the world to death and blowing up the survivors. We want to live in a peaceful, moral world, so we come up with religion and end up preaching hatred and waging war against people who worship the exact same god as us, but happen to do so while wearing a differently shaped hat. Luckily, we humans are gifted with just enough intelligence to know when we're being stupid. Stirrers like Moore wouldn't exist if there was nothing to stir. But despite his good intentions, Moore manages reaches across demographic barriers to annoy everyone, regardless of race, gender or political orientation. His work is a comfort zone of left-leaning liberalism, where self-righteousness counts as activism for people who think sitting through a full-length documentary is somehow a socio-political accomplishment. In a sense, Moore's done his cause more harm than good by shining a light on his own liberal fan-base, and exposing them to be about as much use to liberation as pet rocks.

Liberals are unashamedly middle-class, whiney creatures, wallowing in the slick of their own moral indignation. They dutifully give to charity, and this is certainly a good thing – but liberals feel way better about themselves for donating than they realistically should. They go on protest marches – that is, if it's in their neighbourhood, their friends are also going and not too early in the morning - and think that somehow a group stroll through their leafy suburb to hand in a petition at their friendly local police station is going to have some effect on the xenophobia crisis. They think the ecosystem of the entire hemisphere will somehow be saved if they prevent the development of a single shopping mall. No wonder conservatives want to give every liberal they meet a fat cat-klap.

Like most liberals, Moore recognises the world's socio-political problems but offers no effective solution. He suggests people sign petitions, get involved in the micro-management of their communities and attend mass protest marches. These are all actions with great intentions – but about as effective as Stephen Hawking trying to order a margarita at a death metal concert.

Liberals need to pull finger and get radical. Want to stop the development of a shopping mall? Throw paint on the cars of those responsible, and maybe a few bricks through their windows until they're too scared to leave their house. Want to legalise dagga? Plant seeds in botanical gardens, on municipal traffic islands, and in your neighbours' rose bushes, until the law becomes unenforceable. Some bigoted fool at a dinner party talking about "reverse racism" or why gay marriage is wrong? Throw your drink in their face and kick them solidly in the crotch. You may not be changing their minds, but at least you'll be teaching them how to behave themselves in public.

Moore's got the first half of the solution. Now all he needs to do is start inciting people to violence.

Chris McEvoy

PS: If you know how to behave yourselves in public, go make comments on Chris McEvoy's blog. If you don't know how, do it anyway. But don't come whining to us when you get shredded. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

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