Diski Dancing Disaster

2010-05-28 14:24
Before you get all impressed and start sending me fan-mail, I should also tell you that that was the last and only thing I ever won by dancing. 

In fact, I wasn't to realise until much, much later that this promising start was forever to remain the highlight of my career as a dancer. I tried really hard. I did ballet. I appeared in a school Andrew Lloyd Webber production of his biggest musical moments as both Whore No. 17 and Cat No. 35. I pogo-danced to Bon Jovi, Aerosmith and Guns 'n Roses with my friend Emma. I took dance classes at the gym. I even got private lessons - twice.

But still, I sucked at dancing. I remember trying dance to Maskandi in Durban once. It was so awesome because all the people were smiling at me. Or so I thought, until it dawned on me that they were actually laughing at me. 

Then there are all those times I've thought I could do stuff because I saw it in a music video once... and discovered that they leave out the bits where there actually is, quite literally blood on the dancefloor, and that for me, rhythm will never be a dancer. I'm pretty sure men close their eyes when I attempt a strip tease. Patrick Swayze couldn't teach me to Mambo, even when he wasn't dead 'n all that. 

And so, fail followed fail, with the occasional fall thrown in for variation. 

But I've decided I no longer care. Because, as I discovered one day when I joined a daytime dance marathon, sober, even though me dancing must never, ever be recorded on videotape, it doesn't feel embarrassing at the time. 

It feels awesome!

Dancing is like sex. Enjoying it is all about confidence and staying in the moment. And as with sex, just because you may look totally idiotic shouldn't mean you deny yourself - or others - the pleasure of participating. 

But of course, as with sex, a bit of practise and a few lessons from someone who knows what they're doing will probably improve your experience. And when there's a new challenge in the form of the official diski dance. Also known as "an exciting opportunity to beat the foreigners at something". 

So to definitively prove the saying "those who can't do, teach" to be true, we've put together a five step how-to-diski-dance course. You can click here to start learning the smooth soccer moves without a moment's delay

That way, the next time you have the confidence - for whatever reason (be it beer, or the shock of a surprise Bafana victory)  - you may also have the faintest idea what you're doing. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.