Driven to prayer

2010-04-15 10:37
Seriously, it would be the most awesome thing to happen to South African politics since Clarence Keyter's commentary when Mandela was released. No, scratch that. It would be even better.

I promise, if you do it I'll go to a proper church (ie Catholic) and light a candle for your mom and everything. Thanks, and amen.

Let's not pretend that a LOT of South Africans weren't thinking the same thing last week. They might not have said it out loud, but hey, that's why I'm here. And we were thinking this despite the fact that if our wishes came true, it means a minor would have been sodomised. It's a moral inconvenience, but, well, sod it. It's hilarious.

And if the rumours had turned out to be fact, they would have finally put the lid on the ludicrous notion that the AWB could become a force to be reckoned with - an idea that has actually been taken seriously by the moronic mass media - since the death of this politically insignificant nutjob. Not the fact that he had to seek amnesty from the TRC for the deaths he was responsible for, or that he was a hate monger, or was thrown in jail for leaving a man mentally crippled after trying to beat him to death with an iron pipe. Nope, apparently, that's all fine with the volk. But being a closet moffie with jungle fever? Now that's unacceptable.

I understand homophobia as much as I understand racism, which is pretty much not at all. There's no such thing as an intelligent homophobe, so I've never actually hung out with one. But I'm exposed to them a lot more than I'd like on the internet, and specifically, in many of the comments beneath (both literally and figuratively) my columns.

Since I started this gig, barely a week has gone by that I haven't been bombarded with reader feedback telling me what a raging gaymo I am. The editor deletes most of them – reading "UR a fag" 50 times in a row gets a bit boring after a while. They can't be deducing my sexual preference from my writing (sexuality often gets a mention) and it can't be from looking at my picture either (I'm not nearly hot enough to be a shirt-lifting Capetonian). So it's simply meant as an insult, because I talked smack about their favourite obnoxious novelty band, or something. Weird.

I suppose non-insults like that could have the desired effect on the kind of dipshit who makes them in the first place, and sadly, that kind of dipshit seems to be anything but rare. Too many stupid straight men are terrified by anything that might be perceived as a threat to their manhood – and they solipsistically project those fears onto the rest of us.

It would be sad if they weren't such assholes.

Even though homophobia and racism are ostensibly two separate socio-political issues, they're bound together by cowardice, ignorance and pure, old-fashioned intolerance – which is why the racist homophobes in the AWB spent the last week shitting themselves while the rest of us laughed our asses off.

It seems highly unlikely that Jesus will answer my prayers, what with the defendants' lawyers changing their stories every ten minutes. But I am grateful that the the "ET is gay" rumour took on a life of its own, and provided us with yet another week of fantastic political entertainment.

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