Easy Tigers

2010-01-15 15:11
 It's the same old story. Tiger Woods shagged the busty blondes, and now he's reputedly in some Cape Town addiction clinic, chanting serenity prayers, while the web goes into overdrive in search of sex addiction jokes. One In five holes? Cheetah Woody? Tiger Who Wouldn't. Easy Tiger?

The possibilities are pointless, but hey, at least I tried.

Meanwhile, the moral world's left confused by the usual burning questions:  What man wouldn't? And what is sex addition? And while I've got you, where the hell IS Haiti? Because apparently Brangelina's there now.

And after last night's MAN TV show launch at Mavericks strip club, I'm doing my own wondering about life and sex, along the lines of : How different are most men, really, from Tiger, whose shame burned so bright on the national news?

I'd reckon not very different at all. Tiger  may be a very good golfer, but he's a lousy sex addict. I mean, please, what did this guy even do? He had consensual sex with a few slutty-looking blonde gold diggers who sold their stories. I'm not spotting the tell-tale addictive signs of progressive social illness here. Unless Tiger spent his waking hours hunched over his smart-phone improving his range, or unless there's much dirtier dirt still to come, Tiger's just a regular old cheater who's been lyin'*.

And there are a lot of those cheaters out there, and so many easy ways to cheat.

Believe...  says the billboard advertising for Mavericks. As a gentleman knows, Mavericks is a Cape Town strip club aimed at the intelligent perve's fantasies, while Teazers caters to Spur types (gimme meat!) and House of Rasputin reels in the tourists (well, so taxi drivers tell me.) Strip clubs? Strip malls, more like.

Malls with very expensive drinks, as I discovered last night. They're they're nothing like the place of my first time at the scungy Club 68 in Durban, or the now-demolished Moulin Rouge in Cape Town, or even the live floor shows of Amsterdam. The counters are clean (they're wiped down between table dances), the service friendly, and for 80 bucks you'll get a great Thai massage while you sip your R28 cider. Like the rest of the world, it's beginning to accommodate girl customers too, and to the changing tastes of guys, who no longer want to believe they're exploiting the dancers (even if they don't exactly ask them how difficult it is to break a contract with the Russian mafia).  

Politics aside: Mavericks caters - for want of a better term - to the pretentious wanker. Hey, you may be cheating on your wife with a naked girl who's rubbing her bare ass against your erect member, but at least the décor is tasteful, right!  The truth is, we all know how this stuff works. And it's not really even a matter of your sexual proclivities, so much as what actually results from your actions.  What are you prepared to do to get your sexual fix? And who (if anyone) does it harm?

Everyone has different ways of seeing these issues. For many married guys, a lapdance isn't cheating... unless the wife were to give one to another guy, of course. Many men would rather spend R600 on a bottle of good wine. Other men would prefer to see other men strip. Many women hate strip clubs. Others find them liberating and empowering – or arousing. I experienced a mixture of all the above; a faintly dirty fascination, last night, as I saw how strip clubs have come to reflect a changing male culture  and the altered reality of urban South African culture.  

Times are changing, and the days when most women played played that seethingly serene "don't ask" game are mostly over. Sure, women will do more for men both in bed and out, but they also ask for even more in return. Men must be sensitive, yet strong, caring yet decisive, financially secure but not flashy, powerful but not violent, funny but not offensive, well dressed but not gay (even if they are homosexual)... and that's just on the first date.

Shame! If men are as famously one-track minded as they're reputed to be, it must be awfully confusing to have so many options, so many hot women in one room, and so many conflicting demands. Or as MAN's slug puts it: Four Men, One City, 2 Million Women. Can they cope?

While this new documentary-style reality TV show (9.30pm SABC3 from Friday 22nd) doesn't speak for all South African men (it's really entertainment based on the lives of just a few middle class men living in Cape Town) it raises some interesting issues. So it's going to be challenging, and a lot of fun, to see how the South African TV audience (with their sexual double standards and lurking conservatism) react to a show as provocative and fresh as this. I can't wait.

* Management sincerely apologises for this pun regarding Woods' relationship with his "big five". publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

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