I meet the nicest people when they're drunk

2009-08-14 11:55
Been there, done that, still looking for the T-Shirt, if you know where I can buy one… It actually says "I meet the nicest people when I'm drunk". And some of these nice people are what I call Fairly Famous people  –  or local celebrities.  You know, ZZZ-listers, mostly.

As part of my job, I get to spend a lot of time with drunk people at launches, celebrity functions, press junkets, parties, and festivals. I'm actually often secretly sober, because I'm usually working. But I find that if I simply smile a lot, nobody can tell I'm sober, because they're all smiling a lot, too.

While I am often every impressed by local artists' achievements, I find our local professional party-going celebs to generally be kinda lame when it comes to the job of Being Famous. At best, they're merely pale imitations of their overseas counterparts – from girls like Kelly Parkhurst posing as the thinking fan's Paris Hilton, to Loui Fish (Posh Spice, but with a less famous ex-husband), to Patricia Lewis as an ageing Pamela Anderson, to Arno Carstens swanning around in tired sunglasses-at-night attire. 

I can name few exceptions, like Zola (a YOU awards no-show), Steve Hofmeyr (not invited?), DJ  Fresh (he's funny) and Pam Andrews (camera-ready in white netting dress). Unfortunately, they don't tend to risk hanging out, or gobbling the free booze at after-parties.

But luckily, whether our local camera-fodder are truly celebrities or just wannabes, they're mostly nice people. Especially if you knock back a few drinks to catch up and actually chat to them while they mill around, getting merry in the smoking room (they mostly do smoke – just not when you're aiming a camera at them) after a glitzy ceremony like the YOU Spectacular. 

And it'll be a great night. At least until the last 45 minutes when booze has  overly loosened everyone's tongues and morals, and some random randy guy is casually putting his arm around you, sort of possessively...  and you're letting him, because you're drinking far too much of this really great new tequila. The trick in this situation is to stop drinking and leave.

But most people just keep on drinking and fail to notice how badly everybody, including yours truly, is behaving. This works nearly as well.  To quote another T-Shirt from my lost weekend: It's only binge drinking if you stop!

Yes, you can get away with quite a lot by blaming it on the booze.

For instance, I have a whole lot of pictures of myself and some hot woman who's apparently quite famous and whose name (according to our gossip guru-girl Sam Brighton) is Cindy Roberts (formerly Nell), getting cosy in an almost hot way at the Cuervo Black launch. And Christina Storm was spotted (and heard) wandering around Oppikoppi Festival rapping (not very well). In the morning the musical model felt the need to brush her teeth not once, but three times – during breakfast. Why?

Someone told me I was "so funny last night" the morning after one party. They wouldn't go into detail. That always bothers me. What exactly do they mean by "funny"?

But I won't blame the booze for any of my actions. For instance, I'd hug Cindy when I was sober – even if she wouldn't hug me while she was.

Which got me thinking, ultimately it's kinda sad that most of us can't just be our crazy selves without the assistance and excuses offered by of drugs or booze. That it takes narcotics to persuade us to shed the conditioning and emotional constrictions of our upbringing.

Disagree? Fine, then. What's the bet most of the craziest things you've done, you did while under the influence – or, if your culture or 12-Step Programme forbids drinking - flu medication? Tell me, just to start with: How many times have you slept with someone for the first time while completely sober? How many times have you climbed onto the roof of your house without first knocking back a drink or six? And boys, would you dance on the bar counter to "YMCA" and still call yourselves straight if you hadn't downed all those beers?

No, no judgies – I'm cool with whatever it takes to rock the party. Whether that be Jesus, a blocked nose, a big, bright green pleasure machine, or aged tequila served with a slice of orange.

So have a good weekend, and see you on the other side.  And if you're interested, you can check out these pictures from the Cuervo Black tequila launch at Oppikoppi, and the YOU Spectacular celebrity awards. publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

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