Steve, how could you?

2010-04-09 12:31

Old tannies flock to Steve Hofmeyr after shows to sympathetically compare cancer stories and have copies of his book autographed, while fully aware that he's currently banging someone old enough to be their granddaughter. Now those are some interesting family values.

Steve gets away with murder. And I keep wondering: "How the hell..."

No, I'm not talking about what he did to Neil Diamond. I mean that somehow, he remains popular no matter how idiotically he behaves. Sometimes, that makes me think we can all be forgiven. And that's nice. But right now, he's behaving like an arse.

And Steve, being hot-in-a-creepy-way isn't enough to allow me to let that go.

At the risk of sounding like a latter-day Jani Allan, onse Hof's certainly got the kind of animal magnetism that would work, together with his piercing blue (green?) eyes, in a lurid sexual fantasy in which he "touched me on my studio" – just so long as he kept his damn mouth shut. Because Steve says the stupidest things. On Twitter, for instance: "As daar geen verband is tussen Malema se lied en moord nie, hoekom soveel gewapende polisie by begrafnis [van Eugene Terre'blanche] more?"*

Well, Steve, sorry to have to patronisingly explain this, but they're there for your protection. The "99% Boer" funeral procession's planned route runs nearby Venterdorp's "100% black" Tshing township which is also the site of a planned Cosatu march. You figure it out.

A friend said earnestly to me that we might look back in 50 years and say "this is the day the civil war started". And no, I'm not an afro-pessimist. But I'm not an idiot, either. There's enough anger, there's enough poverty, and no, there has not been enough positive change. Education for the poor is still a mess – and especially in rural areas, where farmers send their kids to boarding school or to urban relatives, while their workers' children are lucky to have a badly run primary school, and where Bantu Education is not a thing of the past. There is no future there. Only booze, heat, guns, anger, racial divisions and land. And Malema of course, waiting in the wings to wank all over democracy. Ripe for a revolutionary harvest!

So the Nuus24 April Fool's Day story about Steve and Malema collaborating musically actually wasn't that far off, considering that they're effectively collaborating to the same end in real life.

Isn't it sad that artists, who're supposed to be thinkers, are doing the unthinkable by pandering to the fears of their fan base? Wouldn't it be tragic if the death of a fascist sparked the end of South Africa as we know it, and the end of our dreams of what a non-racial future should still be?

I know that would be sad. But some people (Steve among them it seems) only intend to participate in our downfall.

His website promises a forthcoming article titled "IT'S TIME FOR THE BLACKS TO ADMIT..." THE BLACKS. Now it's really way past time THE WHITES stopped talking that way.

But they've started doing it all over again, lately, spreading hate and fear. On Facebook, a formerly liberal piano tuner who claimed to be "in the music industry" even said the country was "...going to the dogs". The UK Sun (that bastion of journalistic credibility!) published a headline about CIVIL WAR IN SOUTH AFRICA (in between pictures of plump chicks with their tits out, leading me to suspect them as Mugabe's news source of choice).

And at a time when we should be avoiding radicalism and ignoring stupid people, Steve is attending the burial of Eugene Terre'blanche, the leader of the neo-Nazi AWB, and publically offered to deliver his personal eulogy. Whether he gets to or not, and even what he says, doesn’t matter. It’s the lack of thought that counts. This is the funeral of a leader who advocated the oppression of most South Africans, and the continuation of even petty apartheid. The funeral of someone who wanted laws in place to tell you whom you could love, how, and where, and worse things. Him fighting for the Boer is like Hitler fighting for Germany. A stupid idea.

Naturally, E.T.'s ugly and wrong (but somewhat routine) murder by farm workers who hadn't been paid has been turned into a political rugby ball by the stupidest people in South Africa and around the world.

And Steve (who as far as I know has never protested the murder of a farm worker) is playing his usual divisive game in the scum-scrum.

Like Malema, Steve is full of contradictions. JuJu preaches against Sandton while living there, kicks journalists out of press conferences for asking questions – which is... well do I have to explain the irony? Steve is all for Afrikaans, Afrikaans, Afrikaans... but his kids go to English schools. He's concerned about protecting democracy, but not above silencing the press with a harde klap or a cup of tea in the face. Whatever gets people with the old South African flag in their closet to cough up cash is - apparently - cool with this guy.

If he really felt this, fine. But it seems he's a cynical bastard. This move seems as cynical as his meetings with Zuma, as cynical as the time he punched an editor whose journalist made fun of his shoes, as cynical as the much publicised "video evening" with Joost, and as cynical as everything that Mugabe and Malema say. While Eskom mortgages our country to the World Bank, we're standing around being distracted by this battle of schoolyard bully vs schoolyard bully, and I refuse to cheer for either of them.

But I'm sure the Ventersdorp Spar is already selling more copies of Steve Hofmeyr's CDs than they did before.

Steve's not stupid. He believes that if you're dumb enough to take him seriously, you you’ll pay. "If your regarded me as a moral giant before, you deserve your stupidity surplus." he said, regarding his cheating.

I'm actually starting to think he says dumb shit on purpose.

His autobiography Mense Van My Asem (international translation, People of My Halitosis) may at first seem to be a kind of verklaring**, but is really just a bunch of un-thought-out ravings that make you wonder if he writes on diet pills. He may have passed Woodwork, but he wouldn't pass Philosophy - which makes him a success in the worst kind of politics. The politics of illogical white rioters.

And after he's done his damage, trust me, he'll have enough of his fans' money in his offshore investment account to move to Australia. So what does he care?

As I said, he gets away with murder.

I appeal for calm among Steve fans. And for me? I appeal for immunity to his cowardly charm – and his ever-ready right arm.

*Translation: If there's no connection between Malema's song and murder, why so many armed police at the funeral tomorrow?

Nobody changed the world by saying "I have a depression". A quote on a message board on this article about SA's current situation
Late addition: A youTube video by columnist Gus Silber in which Hitler dispairs when the AWB fails him again.

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