In partnership with

10 000 BC

2008-05-20 16:03
What it's about:

Independence Day and Godzilla director Roland Emmerich rewrites history in this tedious adventure about a mammoth hunter D'Leh (Steven Strait) whose girlfriend Evolet (Camilla Belle) and other pals are captured by slavers. D'Leh and his companions travel across far away lands to rescue them and encounter plenty of CGI dangers along the way.

What we thought of it:

The cinematic equivalent of a cheap fast food burger special, 10 000 BC appears huge and meaty on the poster, but turns out to be the size of a poker chip and about as flavoursome as cardboard. Like a junior burger, it will only satisfy a mildly peckish youngster. But unlike a junior burger, it will take an agonising two hours to consume, leaving you tired, irritable and wanting to hurt director Roland Emmerich. Badly.

People have said this movie is like a throwback to golden age adventure movies, and this is true, in the worst possible way. Like the original King Kong, everything looks horribly fake, except it lacks the charm of lovingly crafted models – instead resorting to epic CGI panoramas too tacky to appear in 4x4 ads. The action is slow and ponderous, with an irritating narration that spells out each infantile scene.

Disturbingly 10 000 BC also has no basis in history, with loads of tribes, mammoths, dinosaur birds, etc. just thrown together in a melting pot of boredom. More than that, it's also unashamedly racist, with the young white man (with beautiful dreadlocks and teeth that must have cost a fortune) uniting those silly old Africans into a ragtag force to overthrow the tyrannical Egyptians (they don't call them Egyptians, but they have pyramids and a sphinx that looks like Scooby Doo).

All this rubbish would have been slightly forgivable if it was entertaining, but it isn't. In comparison to 10 000 BC, the worst films you've seen over the last couple of years will look a whole lot better.

Like a low energy mash up of 300, Lord of the Rings and Apocalypto for under 10s, it plays out like a Spur advert featuring the secret tribe, only with less grit. With a total lack of blood, nudity or anything resembling balls, it is clearly aimed at children, but for all the silliness it fails to provide any escapism. It would take a cheque of four figures or more to get me to sit through this turd again.

- Ivan Sadler

Get published on Channel24! Send us your movie, music and live gig reviews and columns and get published on Channel24. Send your articles to
A young white mammoth hunter rescues his girlfriend from a pyramid building empire while uniting various tribes to overthrow their oppressors.

Kabelo 2008/03/19 10:20 AM
compliment well the story line is good up im looking forward to a second selection of the similler kind....give it up..but guess what i only read n seen the clips i havent watched the movie looking forward to sieng the movie today...
Kabelo 2008/03/19 10:20 AM
compliment well the story line is good up im looking forward to a second selection of the similler kind....give it up..but guess what i only read n seen the clips i havent watched the movie looking forward to sieng the movie today...
Noel 2008/03/20 7:27 AM
Enjoyable I found the movie to be entertaining. Granted the movie was not based on historical fact. Granted the story line was paper thin, but then I feel it was good escapism. It is nice to go to the movies once in a while and watch a movie that doesnt require your absolute undivided concentration, you can just watch it and then leave and at the end say of it all say that it took you out of everday reality for an hour and a half.
The Boss 2008/03/20 8:09 AM
CLASSIC ivan, rated "No Country for Old men" with a 5 star when i would give it a 1 star(absolutely terrible movie) yet 10000BC is a classic...Definately one for my collection....enjoyed every minute of it...Noel u are so right .....does not required to enjoy after all the movies are entertainment, fun and fantasy... NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN ........useless.....but then everyone is entitled to their own opinion
Andre 2008/03/20 10:17 AM
Thin thin thin Ivan, your review has described it perfectly. You can give a guy all the tools (CGI, budget, scope), but if he does not have a story or does not know what to do with one, the project is doomed. This was one of those that I really looked forward to. Only to be bitterly disappointed. Thin story, amateurish directing, bad usage of CGI. Roland Emmerich got away with it in the past, but the cracks were already there. Not this time. Would have been interesting to see it in the hands of a guy like Spielberg. And I never thought that someone that enjoyed this one would have any joy out of Country for old men. Not really the same target audience!!!
Moss 2008/03/20 11:16 AM
WRONG The Boss: Unless you're referring to a collective "you," Ivan didn't award 5 stars to No Country. (That would be Mr. Fairweather.) You are regrettably right about one thing, though: everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I suspect that once you've passed puberty, you'll reevaluate your position.
Rider 2008/03/26 9:42 AM
garbage Utter drivel - How on earth do these chaps get to spend the kind of money they do on such bull. This is one for the trash can, not the collection. No plot to speak of, CGI plain pathetic (remember these are the days of Lord of thr rings kinda magic) Maybe we are just spoilt and expect better. Just kills me when you have a great idea and it ends up like this movie - very irritating indeed. No country, by the way, was super as was american gangster.
Tania 2008/04/07 10:35 AM
Enjoyable Well I liked it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chloe 2008/04/17 8:26 AM
come on um wondering how it was racist! come on! if anything, its just the opposite considering how they work together. And another dont need blood and nudity to make a film. i am thankful that the producers did not share your point of veiw.
SteliosRulezGR 2008/05/06 8:24 PM
It's all about taste! This movie is mostly like apocalypto. Of course, it is recommended only to those that like science fiction, fantasy, history, etc. I really liked it! I think this movie is a work of art! but as I said its all about taste!
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.