Friday the 13th

2009-03-13 17:41

What it's about:

Hockey mask-clad killer Jason stalks the woods around the abandoned Camp Crystal Lake, slaughtering any hikers foolish enough to enter his territory. Clay Miller (Jared Padalecki) is searching for his sister who vanished in the area six weeks previously, while preppie Trent (Travis Van Winkle) and a group of his friends arrive for a booze and drug fuelled holiday. Predictably, blood is spilled.

What we thought of it:

Straight off the bat, I must say that I find the whole concept of a remake of Friday the 13th absolutely ridiculous. This movie is number twelve in the series, not counting Freddy vs Jason, and it is every bit as cheap and corny as the worst of them. Director Marcus Nispel (responsible for the puerile Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, and Pathfinder) opts for the safe approach, offering a mall friendly journey with mild violence and few thrills that seem tame in the age of gore-soaked shockers like Hostel and The Descent.

There isn’t really much to discuss in terms of plot or content – it’s the same as the rest of them. Fanboys of the series might be annoyed that the origins of Jason have been slightly rewritten, but honestly, who cares?

It’s all supposed to be about slaughter and cheap titillation, which is, unfortunately, in short supply. You have a better chance of receiving e-mails this week that contain more gore and nudity, and you didn’t even have to pay for them. For those of you who are thinking of going along to watch it, this is 90 minutes of your life you will never get back.

Jared Padalecki (of Supernatural fame) is the star here. He isn’t much of an actor, but luckily his role mostly requires strutting, running, fighting, brooding, and being knocked down. Everyone else is young and irritating, and the lack of imagination that went into their various deaths left me yawning.

If you have watched any of the other Friday movies, you will want at least a handful of novelty killings or mutilations to make the experience seem worthwhile. Instead of gory treats, Nispel manages a watered down Coke Lite style affair that is less splatter-filled than an evening cleaning tile grouting in your bathroom.

There isn’t much more to say. This is just a shameless piece of garbage trying to sell itself on the nostalgia value of a slightly above average film that spawned a ton of crappy sequels. If you are a twelve-year-old boy who has never seen a horror movie, you might dig this, but there is nothing here for anyone else. The only reason it gets two stars instead of one is that it is slightly more competent than recent stinkers like Prom Night and Rise Blood Hunter.

A group of young adults discover a boarded up Camp Crystal Lake, where they soon encounter Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions.

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