In Secret

2014-06-20 11:46
What it's about:

Set in the lower echelons of 1860s Paris, Thérèse Raquin, a sexually repressed beautiful young woman, is trapped in a loveless marriage to her sickly cousin, Camille, by her domineering aunt, Madame Raquin. Thérèse spends her days confined to the counter of a small shop, and her evenings watching Madame play dominoes. When she meets her husband's alluring friend, Laurent, she embarks on an illicit affair that leads to tragic consequences.

What we thought:

In Secret would be one of those movies that entice you with a brilliant cast, but irrevocably slams your expectations into the ground, giving it a quick kick and then runs away with an hour and a half of your life you would never get back.

If you really want to check it out, you could rather waste three minutes of your life by watching the trailer. Not only does it show THE BLOODY CLIMAX of the movie, it also infers what the end will be. One of the worst movies fittingly has one of the worst trailers, but maybe it was the editor’s way of trying to warn people not to watch the trash.

The plot has a bit of a Romeo and Juliet quality, with two lovers who can’t be together hatching a plan to change that, with disastrous consequences, with some bad soft-core porn in-between. Been there, seen that. You know it’s bad when you can’t help but laugh at the supposedly sad situations while crying on the inside with the pain of mediocrity.

And it had such good actors. I think they should all fire their agents for ever getting them in this hullabaloo. Jessica Lange, a Emmy winner for American Horror Story, Oscar Isaac who gained acclaim of Inside Llewyn Davis and will star in the upcoming Star War movie, Tom Felton who will forever be known as Draco Malfoy and Elizabeth Olsen, sister of the Olsen twins and also starring in upcoming epic Avengers: Age of Ultron. Isaac might be excused as this produced before he took on the role of Davis, but the rest should have known better.

Not only is it a terrible script, but it also had first-time feature director Charlie Stratton, who clearly out of his depth. (Five points to Gryffindor if you spot Moaning Myrtle.)

The romance is sloppy, you have no sympathy for anyone (even the ones you are supposed to) and you wish everyone would have died quick death to release you from this drudgery. And the fact that it is set in France but no one even bothered to at least try and put on a fake accent just tweaked my hate for it further, even though many Hollywood movies have done this.

All in all, avoid at all costs. There are better things to waste your money on.

Somebody in Hollywood thought it would be a good idea to do a murderous Romeo and Juliet style soft-core porno. They were horribly wrong.
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