Machete

What it's about:

A Mexican lawman (Danny Trejo) is wounded and left for dead after his wife and daughter are killed by a drug lord (Steven Seagal). Some time later, in the US, the ex-lawman is hired by a shady man (Jeff Fahey) to kill an ultra-conservative senatorial candidate (Robert de Niro). But all is not as it seems, and a double-cross ensues, resulting in the lawman going on the run… until he runs into a taco-stall owner (Michelle Rodriguez), who may or may not be part of a pro-Mexican activist group call The Network.   

What we thought:

Evidence suggests that there are two kinds of people: those that love Robert Rodriguez movies, and those who are really puzzled by them. Rodriguez has a rogue element to his filmmaking in so much that he likes to flout Hollywood conventions – actually trash them completely, come to think of it.

In fact, he’s gotten away with a lot of crazy stuff, like the Spy Kids franchise, which by all accounts shouldn’t work on screen, but does. And let’s not forget those ultra-stylish cult classics From Dusk Til Dawn, Sin City and the Planet Terror half of Grindhouse. That last one brings us neatly to Machete, which started life as a fake trailer on the Grindhouse project.

Not surprisingly, the movie works only for people who will remember the culture of crappy cinema from the 70s. It is remarkable to think that Machete celebrates the ultra-low production values of 70s exploitation cinema, and still comes off better than many of the genre’s originals.

Plot be damned, it’s basically an excuse to make an ultra-violent revenge flick. With Mexicans. Kudos to Rodriguez for working in the immigration issues currently unfolding in the US. But that said, the movie never really makes a political ass of itself.

For one, it’s hilarious. If actors were seriously asked to speak these lines for any other movie, their careers would be over. That R-Rod manages to shoehorn a handful of actual movie stars into completely over-the-top character roles is ingenious. Look out for a mood-setting, crazy opening credit that "introduces" the first-time-actor-to-the-screen Don Johnson.

Secondly, in true exploitation style, the women in the movie are there expressly to be ogled at. Maybe Rodriguez understands that hot Latino women (pardon the exploitative reference) work on screen, because he certainly ramps up the ogle factor with loads gratuitous nudity, rippling lady thighs, cleavage, and tight shirts. Hell, even Michelle Rodriguez gets the sexy treatment.

Played across from Danny Trejo’s deadpan and rather striking "ugly", it comes across as a "we-know-that-you-know-that-we-know-this-is-kinda-funny-in-this-day-and-age" thing. Like, dude, that’s so meta.

But the movie is also ultra-fake-violent. Swatting a fly results in a blood spatter on the wall. And while the action deaths aren’t especially creative, they certainly are gory.

On the downside, it’s debatable whether this works over the length of a movie. From the opening sequence, where it’s apparent that severed limbs and machete blades going through people are going to be the order of the day, it’s hard to maintain the appeal of that sort of "grind" over 90 minutes.

It's ironic that the appeal of Machete is also its weak point, but that doesn’t stop the movie from being a lot of fun while you’re watching it. And like the genre it pays homage to, it’s completely forgettable once it’s over. A perfect popcorn flick, then.