Nickelback - Dark Horse

2010-05-20 14:00
"Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body / they say it's over budget but you'd pay her just to touch it come on..."

Yes, they're a big-selling band, always top of the charts and all that. Means they're as good as... Crazy Frog? Some people get the genuine hard rock article like Seether or Metallica, and the others get the genuine arty adult contemporary schtick like Arno Carstens, but I get to take home a bearded Amy Lee.

What to do but resign yourself to being stuck in MOR/ROR* hell, feeling a bit like Samwise Gamgee after a heavy night down the Shire over-25's club, complete with an evil elf-ish Canadian guitarist /vocalist who insists on writing and singing songs that sound similar-enough to each other to fool you into thinking all their songs are hits.

Dark Horse confirms that production by numbers feeds the scarily-close-to-Christian-rock-sensibilities of the middle consumer, while edgily singing about sex and girls with hearts of gold wearing in pink thongs and putting things in their mouths. Strangely, chicks dig this stuff. But that doesn't stop it from feeling offensive. In an industry that posits the likes of Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent as literary figures, that says a lot.

Which leaves a rock n' roll luddite like myself thinking that back in my top-of-the-pops, record-buying days, my music was making me feel like I wanted to kill myself. On the evidence of my gut reaction to Dark Horse, things haven't changed that much. To put it in the language employed of Dark Horse, "This sucks."

PS: The DVD has some cool music videos and a live appearance from VH1 Live and Loud, which is at least a better novelty prospect than an entire album that reminds you of how (bad) Nickelback really are.

(* That's Middle Of the Road / Radio Oriented Rock, clubbers)

Seether's new album – wait what? It's Nickelback? Oh, sorry.

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