The Naked Apes - Something in My Genes

2006-03-30 01:44

"Why can't all girls be nymphomaniacs / why can't she be just as horny as me"... well dude, here's a clue: It's because you're obnoxious, childish, and she'd rather go with guys who've grown up. That's why you "never get past first base".

The Naked Apes' are big on the Oh Poor Me whines about: hot girls who won't sleep with them. Beer. Fat girls who will but who they think are ugly. Girls they can't sleep with. Beer. Girls who pretend they want to sleep with them, but don't. Beer. Rude words in connection with girls who they want to sleep with. And yes, you guessed it, Beer! Ad nauseum, literally. What a shame you can't shag a pint of bitters, right?

Oh what the hell, maybe The Naked Apes are just exploiting the unspoken desires of the 11-14 year old male masses. And someone has to speak for them, at least until their voices break and they can come out of the bathroom and hang out normally with the rest of the family, right? And "Grow up" does a sweet job of that, with its tuneful "Bla bla bla" chorus as counterpoint to the helpful suggestions of adults.

Occasionally they indicate they might be able to see through themselves. Is it all a sort of affectionate satire? "Me me me" would seem to suggest it is.

And of course, in real life, The Naked Apes have no problem getting laid as much as they want. They're fairly big stars. They've done pretty well in the UK, with their songs about sex and beer - which are about as hard to learn to sing as the average soccer anthem (i.e. easier than the average nursery rhyme). They've supported Steriogram on tour. They've scored two top 20s in the UK with "Wasted" and "Extreme", which are as dumb as their titles suggest.

But really: "Life's a beach and then you dive"? That's just beyond bad.

- Jean Barker

Finally, they've arrived. For years, there was a huge gap in the music market - a great gaping hole called moronhood, just waiting to be filled. And The Naked Apes have filled it admirably, giving voice to every truly dumb, immature impulse you can imagine.

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