Four Factor: Poppies of Pop Music

2007-05-04 14:47

Patricia Lewis was the quintessential pop queen in her day – back when being blonde was all you needed to be top of the charts. But times have changed; now you need blonde hair and one name. OK, maybe a few other things, too. In this weeks edition of Four Factor we see how four Pop Poppies measure up.

This week's factors are...

Blonde hair: Jessica Simpson has it. Xtina has it sometimes. Brit had it. Patricia definitely has it.
16-25 appeal: The mythical core Seventeen market, which is actually more likely 12-15. So we’re actually talking about the Huisgenoot factor here.
One name: All pop stars need a catchy name. Only one. Four letters is pushing it.
Pink factor: How much pink is on the cover, the dress, the publicity photos, the make-up? Can you say “Barbie”?
The Men’s Mag factor: Is there an FHM or GQ cover in her future?

Introducing the candidates (all scores out of ten):

Blonde hair: Check! Rich, yellow, natural-looking - 8
16-25 appeal: Big Huisgenoot appeal, though threatened by the ‘Kwaito’ label - 6
One name: Bonus! Four letters or less - 10
Pink factor: Check! Bright pinks, luminous blues - 9
The Men’s Mag factor: Most men’s mags are English, it seems, and Esti just doesn’t seem to fit the profile - 5
We say: Esti is likely to keep parties hopping in places where nothing much better is available in the shops - 4
We reviewed her album

Blonde hair: Yup. At least in the picture we have of her. - 8
16-25 appeal: Absolutely. All rock. Like Avril is rock. - 7
One name: Bonus! Four letters. - 10
Pink: Not much pink. Mostly blacks – but she does have a pink T Shirt. - 6
The Men’s Mag Factor: Somebody call Hagen Engler - 8
We say: Big in Mauritius, work to do everywhere else. - 5
Listen to “Dear Child” Take 2
Blonde hair: Fail! Dark hair. Both of them. - 0
16-25 appeal: Strangely, much older appeal. Don’t ask us why. - 6
One name: Band name. But they are named Leandi and Lelani. And they are sisters. - 7
Pink: Ya. Lots of pink on the album cover. - 8
The Men’s Mag Factor: Think the Olsen twins, only much prettier and minus the snobbery. That’s all we can say legally. - 9
We say: We’re going to have to have a word with producer Theo Crous about this. - 6
Listen to “Doem Doem Doem”

Blonde hair: Yessss. - 8
16-25 appeal: Sadly, not as much as we’d hope. - 5
One name: Yes. But six letters loses the bonus. - 7
Pink: 10!
The Men’s Mag Factor: Designed to put that across, yes. - 8
We say: "I’m not trying to rap, I’m just talking really fast”. - 5
Read our review of "Naopal"

Total Points:
Esti: 42
Arde: 43
Take 2: 36
Starla: 42

Congratulations! That makes Arde, our winner of the title Pop Music Poppie Princess 2007!

- Anton Marshall

Does a pop princess need talent? Who cares? publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
Comments have been closed for this article.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.