We've seen the future!

2007-01-05 10:08
Last year we predicted that ...

- The "ipodket" would hit the market. This is a pocket in clothing, wired for an iPod. Levi's Redwire, anyone?

- That the Springbok Nude Girls would announce they were releasing a new album, called "The Fat Lady Recants". We got the title wrong, but they ARE releasing a new album in March 2007.

We also predicted...

- That 80s would come back into musical fashion. Unfortunately, we were right.

- That the Anti-folk movement would trigger the resurgence of the singer-songwriter scene.

- That Kwaito would go big overseas. Go Zola! UNICEF rep, and Tupac collaborator.

Read the old article - We weren't far off

And in 2007...

Camera-fodder shock
A highly talented movie director proves his/her worth by directing Paris Hilton, in a role that impresses even serious critics. Music fans will sigh with relief as she announces she 's not going to be releasing any more albums. Other obvious star comebacks will include Kylie's, thanks to an extremely innovative music video, and public admiration for her strength of character.

Dance, Disco, Bongo
Dance parties will resurge in 70s disco mode, but with an added "ethno" bent. Everyone will throw away their ugly faux-80s gear and start grooving in new, also ugly, faux-ethno gear doing badly executed africanesque dances that embarass real africans. Until the next trend starts.

Bigots with bucks
In a not-so-new trend, rich people will continue to complain about "the crime" while stealing music and illegally copying movies whenever they possibly can.

Vinyl is er... lekker
Record companies will recommend that the problem with falling record sales could best be solved by deleting the internet completely. When this fails, they'll begin releasing albums only on vinyl. Harder to copy, this format also proves more attractive to consumers sick of ugly, breakable, scratchable, and ultimately unromantic, CDs.

We are the Makarena
An African adoption agency will try to attract movie and pop star clients by releasing a "We are the World" type number, performed by children, on the internet as a video only. (All funds raised will be used to create photographic portfolios for the wannabee adoptees). It'll be a huge big hit, until a South American advertising agency launches a similar video with a stupid dance - which catches on big when people begin to do it at weddings.

iPod Remote / Remote iPod
This is probably already in production and advanced branding development. Sure you CAN already use your iPod as remote, but it's not what it's being sold for. The new iPod will have a long range and proper tune-in (not that dodgy car radio one) which lets you skip tracks from the braai, or the bed, or wherever you are, and plays video directly onto your TV too. Because nobody wants to listen to the Animal Collective's "Mouth Wooed Her" while shagging - attractive though the title may make it sound. And it's always fun trying to pause Shakira vids at just the right split second.

- Guesswork by Jean Barker, who laughs she's right

* Please note that this article is not to be taken seriously, by anyone, unless we're right about everything. Especially numbers four and five, because that's a real stretch.

Will our predictions for music in 2007 be as spot-on as those for 2006? Time will tell.

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