Top 10 tips to survive the SAMAs

2013-05-06 13:03
Babalwa Shota & Penny Lebyane
Johannesburg - This weekend, all roads will lead to Sun City in the North West for the 19th South African Music Awards (SAMAs). City Press writer Babalwa Shota and celebrity guest Penny Lebyane draw up a list of what not to do during this great occasion of song.

1. If you don't have a ticket or an invitation, don't trek to Rustenburg. Seeing what the invite looks like and actually having one are two different things.

We are talking to you so-called socialites, social butterflies, hangers-ons, gatecrashers and general LOTs (Likers Of Things).

2. Knowing the location of Sun City does not qualify entry, especially if you have no confirmed booking. We all want to be where the action is, but clogging the gates and contributing to a 5km long queue only to be turned away is very embarrassing.

3. First-time visitors to this event, please know the full names of the people you came with and which hotel they are staying in. Do not let them out of your sight for a minute.

Watching you shivering in the dead of the night on the parking lot looking bewildered is very sad. Yes, out-of-town groupie, we are talking to you.

4. Breathing the same air as a celebrity you've seen on TV and heard on radio does not mean you are now pals. When you meet one in the corridor or strolling outside, do not hug without permission.

And whatever you do, don't ask for their BBM PIN. You may request their Twitter handle and follow. But don't embarrass yourself by asking for a follow-back.

5. As for you marginally famous guy and girl, if it's not official, don't walk the yellow carpet together. It will smack of an unoriginal desperate attempt at publicity. Stevel Marc and Boitumelo Thulo are a fine example of the "kinda famous" wanting to bump up their celebrity status.

6. Speaking of Amor... butt cleavage, spilling boobs and hemlines so short we can see your cookie are so 2009. These things will expose you to the vultures and the tabloids, but will say much more about your lack of class and desperate need to be noticed.

Stop. Think. Change. Amor Vittone did the butt cleavage on the yellow carpet in 2007. The mother of two certainly cringes every time she sees this picture.

7. Having an entourage is awesome; it makes even the D-List feel like an A-List celebrity. But having 10 people troop on stage with you when you accept an award is awkward, especially when they jostle you away from the mic and the camera so that they can wave at their mothers from the small box.

Limit your minions. The entourage is guaranteed to maniacally want your spotlight when on stage. Just ask Zahara.

8. Dear A&R guy, brand manager guy, sponsorship guy, department spokesperson guy and aspiring tenderpreneur guy, remember that the piece of plastic you are flaunting to random girls in bum shorts is a company credit card.

Don't be Mr Big Spender if you can't back it up.

9. There are two official parties that happen – the Friday night pre-party after the industry awards and the Saturday night after-awards mega bash.

At both events remember this: If you can't pronounce it, don't order it. Asking for kong-neck and Glenvidick on the rocks with ice will guarantee social suicide and being dumped on the spot. You are not Joost and Amor!

10. Lastly, to the celebrities. Ladies, if you insist on wearing a dress with a train, we will trample on it as we herd towards the Super Bowl if you don't carry it in that elegant over-the-arm way Hollywood stars are so well versed in.

And guys, the "colour blocking short pants and pointy shoe" look should be left to Dr Malinga.

He laughs with us when we laugh at him. Lloyd Cele's fashion miss should be left to Dr Malinga and runway models with Bieber haircuts.