The Bachelor SA contestant writes a book!

2019-03-04 16:17
 
bachelor sa

Cape Town - One of the three contestants voted off The Bachelor SA in the latest episode is already making plans to write a book.

“I spent a really short amount of time speaking to Lee," Kerry Lambourn (30), a sales rep from Johannesburg, tells YOU over the phone.

"It was about three minutes in total so he didn’t get to know me and I didn’t get to know him,” the beautiful brunette adds.

Three minutes . . . what book could come from three minutes, you might ask? Well, while Kerry’s upcoming book deals with relationships it doesn't have much to do with her experience on the show. In fact, the story behind her book is one of the reasons she’d decided to enter The Bachelor SA.

“I wanted to put myself out there and challenge myself," she says. "I've been involved in quite a few emotional and physically abusive relationships where I was made to feel like I wasn’t worth anything thing or worth the time, and where I wasn’t appreciated.

The Bachelor SA came as a huge confidence boost for me so I thought I’d do it, and from it came growth and a sense of confidence.”

Although she’s no longer on the show Kerry says being on The Bachelor SA changed her, and that she treasures the relationships she’d formed with some of the other contestants.

Meeting Lee has also helped her to understand what kind of guy she needs in her life, as opposed to her usual type.

“He has a lot of respect for women and he's not a smooth talker or arrogant,” she adds. “My type is usually arrogant, attention-seeking and just completely different.”

Kerry's been in a number of short-term relationships over the years but it was in her most recent two serious relationships that she started experiencing abuse.

The first lasted on and off for six years with someone she thought could be the man of her dreams - until things started turning ugly two years into their relationship.

“We both were very young; we were about 22 at the time when things started to change," Kerry recalls. "His friends would tell him we were too young to be as serious as we were, so he started seeing me only when he felt like it.”

She remembers how he'd constantly put her down, break her spirit and self-confidence and make her feel worthless. They’d break up but after three months he’d plead for her forgiveness and she'd take him back.

By the time Kerry turned 25 she realised the relationship wasn’t only taking an emotional toll on her but a physical one too – it was affecting her health.

“I'd have constant panic attacks, I couldn’t function. I’d worry about going places and seeing him there,” she says. “People often think the only kind of abuse is physical, but often times the emotional abuse can be worse because that sticks with you.”

After six years she'd had enough. She realised the relationship wasn’t good for her and she called it off.

She was single for a while but realised that, despite her previous bad experience, she was still drawn to a specific type of guy - if he wasn’t funny or arrogant or a gym bunny, he simply wasn’t for her.

Then, last year, she met the man with whom she was to have her next serious relationship.

'BLINDSIDED BY A SMOOTH-TALKER'

Kerry says she was completely blindsided by this smooth-talker who managed to woo her almost immediately, and she fell hard. The two dated for a total of nine months.

“It wasn’t until just a few months into the relationship that he started putting me down," she says. "I couldn’t cook and he'd criticise that. If I wore a certain perfume he’d tell me not to wear it because it was disgusting and reminded him of an ex.

“He was controlling and manipulating. It wasn’t until he started losing his temper and punching doors and walls that I became really scared.”

She recalls getting into arguments where he'd get so angry he’d punch his head with his fists. He'd constantly lose himself in fits of rage.

One night after she'd threatened to leave he ripped off the bedroom curtains and pushed her onto the bed, holding her down. Neighbours in their then-complex suspected something was wrong and called security who tried to intervene, but the boyfriend assured them all was fine.

Every time Kerry decided to leave she realised she didn’t know where to go to. She was too ashamed to go to her parents.

On one occasion he became enraged when Kerry took his phone off the charger to charge hers. He grabbed her by the arm and later by the throat. He took her car keys so she couldn’t leave and forced her to apologise to him, even breaking down in tears.

“I apologised to him, also just for the sake of it," she says. "The next morning I knew he was going out, so I told him I was going to my mom. I left him a note, blocked him and that was the end of it.

"He used to tell me I'd amount to nothing in life. He was a complete sociopath.”

In her book Kerry highlights her experiences. She says they sparked the idea of writing a book as these experiences are a sad reality that many women in our country face, with some even being killed as a result of abusive relationships.

LIFE AFTER THE BACHELOR SA

After being on The Bachelor SA and connecting with some of the other contestants Kerry realised many of them also have had experienced toxic relationships. She wants her book to be a mouthpiece for women, and she wants to tell them it’s okay to speak out, talk to someone and get professional help from a psychologist, like she did.

“Since The Bachelor SA finished recording last year I've met someone and he's far from the typical kind of guy I’d usually go for," she says. "He's caring and thoughtful and I struggle sometimes to believe it’s true.

"I do get scared or a sick feeling when he touches me on my arm, but then realise I need to allow myself to be vulnerable with the right person.”

Kerry is putting the final touches to the book and hopes to have it published before the end of the year.

“I want to tell women that they don’t need to be afraid or ashamed to speak out. As women, we should grow some balls and speak out about the things affecting us.”

Read more on:    lee thompson  |  kerry lambourn  |  tv  |  the bachelor sa

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