Comedienne, Tumi Morake is sharing how she lost her virginity at the age of 15 as a result of rape. She tells Move! that the main reason she is opening up about her ordeal is to change the perception that rape is normal and that women should learn to deal with it and move on.
HER STORY
The former City Ses’la actress says growing up, she was a rap music fanatic and a dancer for a rap group and she kept the company of male friends. However, little did she know that a boy she had a crush on would one day violate her privacy and rape her. “It was one of those weekends where we had a performance at one of the universities in the Free State and I had borrowed a belt from this boy I had a crush on. When I went to return it at his residence he locked the room and raped me. When I told him to stop he didn’t listen and when I tried to push him away he wouldn’t let me go,” she recalls. She says what made matters worse was that she wasn’t sure if she should tell anyone of her ordeal because she was afraid that people would question why she was in a boy’s room in the first place. “Looking back I was left broken and hurt and I turned to drinking and smoking, which was never my thing,” says the former Our Perfect Wedding host.
HER COPING MECHANISM
Tumi, who has been married to actor and screenwriter, Mpho Osei- Tutu for six years, says her coping mechanism was to project a tough and strong image and she became aggressive and harsh to hide her vulnerability. Subconsciously, the Free State-born star would try to laugh it off and not take herself too seriously. “However, what I know for sure is that the rape made me go through a dark period in my life. It was not easy to open up, but somehow I managed to talk to one of my neighbours about it and I also had an English teacher who cared enough to notice I wasn’t myself and she counselled me. My grades started dropping and I started withdrawing from doing the things that I enjoyed. Rape can be complex and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. My healing is still a work in progress,” she says. She adds that as a young adult she received support from family and close friends and got to understand that what happened to her shouldn’t define her. Meeting her husband also helped her to embrace being loved and embrace intimacy without feeling ashamed.
TALKING ABOUT SEX WITH HER DAUGHTER
As a mother who is raising a baby girl, the comedienne says she believes that it is her responsibility to let her daughter know that sex is beautiful and making love to someone you love is acceptable. “When I introduce the topic of sex to my daughter it will not be about my rape. I would love for her to understand the pleasure that comes from making love to someone you love and who loves you back. But I will also ensure she understands the importance of following her instincts if she feels something or someone is not making her feel comfortable. As a mother, I want to be my kids’ first point of reference whenever they feel the need to open up about something they feel strongly about,” concludes the mother of three.
